Borderline Personality Disorder

“Were you just looking at her?!! WERE YOU?!!,..I bet you just wanna fuck her don’t you?,.. DON’T YOUUU!!!”

One curious aspect of the manosphere community is it’s tendency to pick up on what I’d call ‘pet pathologies’. It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness. Most Betas often report a discomfort with approaches and Game in general because of varying degrees of social anxiety that they’ve internalized for the better part of their lives.

So, it’s a much simpler premise to attribute this to a psychological disorder than to admit that they’ve got a lot of work ahead of them in unlearning the hinderances the’ve been conditioned to believe about themselves for so long. I’m not saying guys (why is it rarely women?) don’t have Asperger’s, but I think some real introspection is due before diagnosing it for themselves. Another neurosis that gets attributed to women in the manosphere is BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder:

*DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships,  self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Chronic feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I struggled with deciding whether to write about this because in our current intergender environment, it’s very easy to conveniently ascribe these symptoms and tendencies to the ‘psycho bitches’ that men often complain about. She’s crazy in bed, but she’s also crazy out of bed. I would doubt that there’s a man dating in the last decade who hasn’t encountered one or some combination of neurosis listed in this clinical diagnosis with a woman he’s dating or has dated.

As the gender landscape has developed in the last 40 years, so to has the variety of  psychoses. So it’s for this reason that I think understanding true BPD neurosis in comparison to the common anxieties of insecurity that women are prone needs to be explored.

True BPDs

I had an LTR with a BPD woman for 4 years when I was in my 20s and I can tell you from experience, it’s nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It’s particularly damaging for AFCs locked into a BPDs negative feedback loop, especially when he’s developed a soul destroying ONEitis with her and associates himself as the source of her depression / psychosis.

True BPDs progressively convince their victims that they are the source of her neurosis. You are not yourself, you are who she’s molding you to be, and eventually you’ll come to believe that it’s in your best interest – indeed, your responsibility – to be who she wants you to be to sustain that neurosis.

You will gradually give up on your family and friends (or they give up on you), you will drop all ambitions and passions that directly focus on you, and you will abandon any genuine, independent identity you held for yourself, all because these are threats to the neurotic narrative she constructs for herself and lives out.

She will reward your conversion to her psychosis with the intermittent reward of crazy hot sex, but this is simply the reinforcer to keep you locked into her narrative. The YOU you know will cease to exist and the character she creates for you will take over. This is especially true for beta chumps who see their BPD as their best, only option for a long term romantic prospect. She’s an HB 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5 in his whole life, so the risk of catastrophic loss is real and ever-present. It’s fate that brought them together, and if he can only help allay her fears they can live happily ever after.

In the latter stages of a BPD relationship you will get to the point where her overt cuckolding of you is an acceptable situation. You think you’ll mitigate it by negotiating some “open relationship” status with her. You will internalize the reasoning that negotiating for her desire is preferable to losing her. You’ll propose that an open relationship means you’re both free to fuck other parties, when in reality it’s the only way you can rationalize for yourself the fact that she’s going to go fuck other guys, and you’re going to accept it because you’re locked into her neurosis. It’s your fault she feels compelled to fuck other guys – and you’ll believe it.

That, or the mere suggestion of you being interested in sex with another woman will send her into fits of jealous, histrionic rage. You’re living in fear. You’re afraid she’ll commit suicide if you uproot yourself (a classic BPD unspoken threat), but trust me on this, it’ll be you who swallows a bullet long before she ever will. I’ve personally known two men who’ve done just this, and another who hung himself as the result of a BPD relationship.

I know it seems like most of the friends you still do have are simply passing you off by saying “get out” and move on, but your life literally depends on you doing so. Cutting you off and disengaging you from external perspectives about your twisted relationship is essential to a BPD’s neurosis. Eventually your friends and family will give up on the ‘new you’.

Also, I must add this, when and if you do finally muster the self-concern enough to actually leave her, expect a complete about-face in her mentality and behavior. The one thing a true BPD loathes more than her victim is the thought of having to ensnare another. There are plenty of other Beta chumps ready to fill that role, but the comfort and easy predictability you represent to her in the present builds an emotional dependency. BPDs will fight like wild animals not to lose their victim, so expect an extinction burst from her the likes of which are unimaginable.

For a guy so accustomed to her neurotic behavior, his first impression is that she’s making some real change for him in order to “improve the relationship.” It’s not, but so radical a shift in her behavior will convince you otherwise, and cause you to doubt her deception, particularly when you yourself have no options and believe you’ll never do any better than her.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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A.B. Dada
9 years ago

See: my ex-wife.

Even a decade later, she’s still absolutely, positively crazy. Stalky crazy.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

First!

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago

I got chills when I proof read this.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

I did, too, while reading it the first time.

My ex was one of the most popular gals in Chicago when I met her. Openly dating rock stars, red carpet shit, crazy beautiful, mistaken for Gwen Stefani almost every day of her early 20s.

Things were beautiful, until she started drinking again.

Now I’m a million bucks poorer. What a fucking beta white knight was I.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

Really thought you’d be curious about my ex-wife here!

dc1000
dc1000
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

seriously guy. just stop. enough.

YaReally
YaReally
9 years ago
Reply to  dc1000

lol

Dan
Dan
9 years ago

These mental disorders are especially toxic to kids who have mothers who are crazy like this. As in my case, my mother was/is crazy with extreme anger issues (her parents were negative and angry too). Her insecure bf’s have hated and were jealous of me because they knew I was stronger/better than them. For me the saying applied, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” as I was forced to live in this whirlwind. However, as a kid trying to please a crazy/angry mother who will never be happy (my first awareness of hypergamy) began to turn me into an… Read more »

some chick who wants to know why she is a target
some chick who wants to know why she is a target
9 years ago
Reply to  Dan

YOu know that story sounds really familiar to me. My mom was like this and was a hoarder on top of it. She used to tell me she hated me everyday and that she hated being my mother. And the fucked up thing is I’m adopted. All the things she is still angry about are not my problem. I used to work really hard to make sure that I was nothing like her. But it is obvious now that a fun, happy person isn’t what people see when they look at me. Every body sees me as someone who is… Read more »

xsplat
9 years ago

BPD is just and extreme version of being a woman. I’ve estimates of it’s prevalence among women ranging from from 4% to 18%. So nearly all men have dated women who occasionally show BPD traits, and most of us will at some time date at least one full blown BPD nutjob. I’ve heard it said that at least twice as many women as men have this. Aspergers is more common among men. It’s a sex biased developmental fuck up. In the case of BPD I’m not convinced that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It can be damaging as… Read more »

Raider
Raider
9 years ago
Reply to  xsplat

Sadly I think that’s very true: BPD is just an extreme version of a normal American woman. Which is why women never want to talk about BPD – they all have a gal-pal who is just like that, maybe a sister … or maybe she just needs to look in the mirror. I, too, got the chills reading this. My ex-wife to a “t” in all ways. Truly crazy, malignantly so: multiple suicide attempts (some convincingly faked to manipulate me, some very real, right before my eyes), gunplay, hardcore violence, etc. The Full BPD Monty. Imagine what that divorce was… Read more »

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  Raider

Yeah, my ex-wife had a suicide attempt where she literally bled all over my brand new linens that she “told” me to buy just a few weeks earlier. $1800 down the tube.

Lucky for me, I never knocked her up. Holy shit that was an entire platoon’s worth of bullets I dodged.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

More fucked up stories about my personal life story! Look how callous and cool I am!

dc1000
dc1000
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

hahaha ok I get it now. let the mocking continue

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

I own around 15 or so trolls on the web. For some reason, they seem to have plenty of time to try to rile me up, but over the years it just seems to build reputation rather than degrade it.

Trolls will be trolls, yours truly included.

YaReally
YaReally
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

How much did something you did cost again? Could you drop in a dollar amount of some sort? And were you traveling to, from, or in some exotic location on one of your many business ventures? Did you rock climb or skydive while you were there? I’m really curious!!!

YaReally
YaReally
9 years ago
Reply to  YaReally

Oops that was a reply to the troll. Now it just seems mean-spirited lol

NoReally
NoReally
9 years ago
Reply to  YaReally

Can you tell us again about how many women leap on your cock the instant you walk into a club? And how badass you are because bouncers love you and pay YOU money to come in?

YaReally
YaReally
9 years ago
Reply to  YaReally

10 as soon as I walk through the door. 0 once those 10 walk out of the men’s room stall looking disappointed. 🙁

xsplat
9 years ago
Reply to  Raider

Roughly 10% of people with BPD successfully suicide.

So the suicide attempts aren’t always only bogus.

Real or not though, it’s no form of blackmail anyone should have to put up with. Which is why when dealing with BPD the main and most important issue is the escape strategy.

xsplat
9 years ago
Reply to  Raider

Clarification: the escape strategy is important not to avoid her killing herself – it’s to avoid negative repercussions to yourself from her freak out when you leave. And I hear you about the living hell stuff. I seemed to have decided that I needed to go through BPD hell multiple times. I seemed to have had enough kicks to the head to learn something though. Last year a girl had an abandonment freak out and pulled out out a knife and threatened to cut, and I just pushed her aside and starting walking out the door. Of course she grabbed… Read more »

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  xsplat

This is when it’s important to have your smartphone recording in your pocket if you EVER interact with someone in the future who has BPD. I don’t let them have a second try — not even friends. But if I know a guy is dating a gal who has these “freak outs”, I tell them to record those freakouts, store them safely away in MP3 format, and if the gal ever threatens them, just let her know you’ve recorded all of her abusive comments in the past. In some states, you can’t legally use 1-party recordings, but it usually will… Read more »

Anton
Anton
9 years ago
Reply to  xsplat

Yes, BPDs rather routinely claim to be pregnant, then when no baby shows up, to have had a miscarriage. Should be in the DSM…

some chick who wants to know why she is a target
some chick who wants to know why she is a target
9 years ago
Reply to  Anton

Once again, I was accused of being the kind of woman who does this. That isn’t true. It never was. I am so insulted and so angry about being insulted! I know you guys reading these posts are saying to yourselves oh here goes another one! I tried to explain to this guy my values and my perspective on the women who trick men by getting pregnant, but he didn’t beleive me or wasn’t listening. THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR! You men are such fools. All of you. I used to love men. I had such respect. I’m just here… Read more »

xsplat
9 years ago
Reply to  Raider

If you think BPD is an extreme version of being an American woman, you’ve not yet been to SE Asia. I’m certain it is far more prevalent here.

It is a developmental disorder that may have often include genetic predispositions and usually includes environmental triggers such as childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse. Incest is insanely common in SE Asia.

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago

When I was dealing with my BPD in the early-mid 90’s there was no clinical diagnosis for BPD. It was all “that’s just how women are”. Only when I got to university and studied psychology did I really connect the dots and realize the amazing clusterfuck I endured – and how fortunate I was to have gotten out with my life. I can’t even begin to describe the oppressive jealousy, the public fighting and bitching, followed by porn movie sex, then get religious guilt, and then have her see some magazine cover with a bikini model on it in line… Read more »

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

She ever get the “crazy eyes” that you knew was going to lead to trouble?

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  A.B. Dada

Rollo, you’re so much more accessible than Heartiste! Going to take every opportunity I can to be bff’s with you!

Anton
Anton
9 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

Worst experience of my life, by far.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago

I just. cant. stop. talking. about. myself. ever. EVER

JG
JG
9 years ago

Dan said: “Therefore, because of my BPD mother, observing my friends also deal with gf’s/wives with BPD, and after learning about/internalizing/living out game; I will never for my own well-being live with women for more than a few days (if we happen to go somewhere for a weekend, thereby inadvertently making myself unattainable that makes women want me even more because they can never have me for more than a few days or months), plus I will never get financially tied up with anyone (especially women) and this personally increases my own independence/freedom/happiness (and women seem to like men like… Read more »

Deep Dish
Deep Dish
9 years ago

Are there any realistic movies on BPD? I’ve seen Fatal Attraction and Girl Interrupted (watched it a few nights ago). I understand Girl Interrupted highlighted a few characteristics but wasn’t a comprehensive portrayal, and I don’t know how realistic was Fatal Attraction.

A.B. Dada
9 years ago
Reply to  Deep Dish

Single White Female.

Also, Gaslight from the 70s is a classic.

Dan
Dan
9 years ago

Respectfully A.B. with good humor; It sounds like maybe A.B. was the inspiration for the songs by Gwen, “Sweet Escape” and “Keep on Dancing.” Ha. Just joking around.

D-Man
D-Man
9 years ago

Getting involved with certain women, unprepared, can really take a toll on a guy. They can certainly fry your nervous system and make you question your own sanity and most deeply held beliefs. The White Knight in you will be bloodied. You will emerge – if you’re lucky – with a generous ration of bitter cynicism, a healthier set of boundaries, and a hair-trigger red flag mechanism. I liken this to an immunity of sorts. I wrote a fake online dating ad awhile back, never intending to post it. I pretend to be looking for one of these girls, since… Read more »

Dan
Dan
9 years ago

Listening to Avicii “Levels (Original Mix)” and 2 Unlimited “Get Ready For This” and thinking, maybe a good thing about this for game would be to figure that basically all women are crazy. This 1. protects yourself from getting too caught up with any particular woman only to have her go crazy and harm you because you are prepared for the possibility of it and your exit before hand, and 2. when approaching/interacting with women her looks don’t matter (in that some guys are thrown off by the looks of some women) so figuring she’s crazy takes the focus off… Read more »

Aaron
9 years ago

The worst is the radical skepticism about all of your own thoughts and perceptions. This only lasted a very short while with me before I made the comparison to reading the writing of postmodernists/certain continental philosophers: many people read this shit and think, “I must be too stupid to get this profundity!” But we know it is really they who are incoherent. The one simplest and most important thing to do is establish boundaries and don’t budge a fucking inch. She might cry, she might call you “mean” or “cruel,” or something comparable, but this is just manipulation; she’s trying… Read more »

Aaron
9 years ago
Reply to  Aaron

(e.g. she’ll freely swear and call you any name or curse word, but if you do it back just once you won’t get out of that argument without a few scratch marks on your hands.)

anonymous x
anonymous x
9 years ago

Google “walking on eggshells” for the literature that is now available for it that wasn’t available 20 years ago. I still shiver when I think about mine yet she wasn’t as bad as others I’ve heard of. I will say though that while many women do have flashes of this behavior, not nearly so many are full blown BPD. Vitally important to distinguish the latter from the rest if an LTR is your goal.

Play Misty For Me is another BPD at the movies.

Diogenes
1 year ago
Reply to  anonymous x

The movie Misery … for those at the severe end of the spectrum (F2 psychopathy). They “love” you so much that they will hobble you for life.

anonymous
anonymous
9 years ago

But are there ANY girls, at all, who can fully say they have none of the above “symptoms” ever, at all? I doubt it. There’s no such thing as a White Knightress either, right? I like this blog, it’s smart. I’m interested in knowing more about the female perspective though. Because for now the PUA blogs seem to portray women as scheming yet attractive egg layers. Or do you know of any smart female counterparts to this blog, something that would make sense of it both ways? Big up for writing though.

Aaron
9 years ago
Reply to  anonymous

I’ve been on the look out for this for a while now, but it’s rare/non-existent. Google “shrink for men” and go to that wordpress blog for a woman talking about it…but she’s in total agreement with everyone here. I’ve heard another female shrink say “men and women perceive things differently, women place importance on feelings before facts, and men facts before feelings.” Which was a polite concession that many women are simply a bit nutty. Imagine trying to settle a disagreement like that outside a relationship, say in the workplace? “Oh John and Mike have different argumentation styles; with John… Read more »

some chick who wants to know why she is a target
some chick who wants to know why she is a target
9 years ago
Reply to  anonymous

You know I think you are right. Our society has created a systematic destruction of the female psyches. Every one is divorced so all daughters have some kind of issues with thier fathers. So it’s easy to assume that all women have the same “daddy issue” thing going on. Or what ever kind of psychosis you want to assign to her, the problem is, none of you are professionals. And none of you wait to get to know the girl long enough to determine who she is. Spending a few nights stalking her through a bar does not count as… Read more »

qwerty@uiop.nl
qwerty@uiop.nl
9 years ago

A partner with BPD is no cakewalk. They’re women with all the bads (hysterical, helpless, manipulative) and goods (sexy, feminine) womanisms amplified, excepting the normal ones (homely, family-oriented). You’d do well to never get involved with them, but most man will never be this wise. They’ll only see the seductive appearance and will fall for it, try it out. “It won’t be this bad…” Again and again. Angelina Jolie in “Gia” is the most powerful depiction of low-functioning BPD I ever saw. Thankfully she only ruined herself. Fatal Attraction, up until the bunny boiler scene (in which she transformed more… Read more »

some chick who wants to know why she is a target
some chick who wants to know why she is a target
9 years ago
Reply to  qwerty@uiop.nl

So I have a question, what if the guy who is playing the game assumes that the woman he’s playing is a BPD and takes preemptive measures to make sure that the woman goes down that path? Even to the point of encouraging suicide? I’m not trying to say that I’m a perfect woman. I do understand and have always understood that I have my own issues. I got picked up by a guy who was insistent that I am crazy simply because I wanted him to stop running sets and listen to what I wanted so that we could… Read more »

Maciano
Maciano
9 years ago

I guess there are some sick puppies out there who have an axe to grind with women or BPDs, either out of past grievences or sheer pleasure for seeing someone suffer. Both are cruel intentions, both are only found among people who should look in the mirror and face some inner demons first. Why would someone steer a BPD, whatever shrew she might be, into suicide? That man is a sick character himself. OTOH, BPDs have a way of twisting something unfortunate that happened — getting used by a guy for sex, harshly dumped while being in love — into… Read more »

Aaron
9 years ago

That’s entirely wrong. Try it with a real BPD.

I meant when you’re in any relationship, especially a new one, establish boundaries this way and it will filter out the crazies from the non-crazies. But yes if she is really BPD it’s always an uphill battle because you’re constricting yourself with reason and conscience.

Maciano
Maciano
9 years ago
Reply to  Aaron

“I meant when you’re in any relationship, especially a new one, establish boundaries this way and it will filter out the crazies from the non-crazies.”

I agree with this 100%.

trackback
9 years ago

[…] feminine seduction skills have been replaced with emotional and psychological manipulations (see BPD) in order to make men comply with their imperatives as a result of having abandoned […]

lee
lee
9 years ago

I think I might have this problem. Any chance you could shoot me an email to give me some advice?

JJ
JJ
9 years ago

Well, I had an on again, off again with a BPD chick for 3 years. Last go round was my last, at least for me. I was done, and began to withdraw. She left in a rage after biting my hand while trying to pry my phone away from me. Well, two weeks later she texts me that she is pregnant. I meet her, trying to do the right thing. After 2 weeks of utter insanity and entitlement peppered with lots of domestic violence on her part, I filed a protective order and felony charges for theft. 2 months ago… Read more »

Pete
Pete
9 years ago

I agree. Stand up to them or get the fuck out. During the honeymoon phase, this crazy nut convinced me she was the real thing. Pregnant within a few months and started acting out. Once the baby was born, she was out the door. It is ok for them to behave in a crazy emotionally irrational way but don’t show any signs of frustration. I was lucky cause she doesn’t want me, yet.

obviously the guy who's been ranting on another post about this, getting more out
obviously the guy who's been ranting on another post about this, getting more out
9 years ago

Wow, this article on BPD is EXACTLY what I have just gone through. I mean everything. Plus more; I forgot about the pretending she was pregnant thing, that happend on occasion – always when she accidentally didn’t take her pill, or decided to switch from pill to no pill for whatever fucking reason. I think I just fell in love with the prototype BPD. I wish I had listened to myself before I got into it. I knew her for 8 years before I began officially dating her. Before that I just viewed her as a slut that I really… Read more »

trying to move on
trying to move on
9 years ago

I finally broke up with my (most likely) bpd girlfriend of a year and a half. It happened primarily because of this being long distance, but the immediate cause had to do with trust and respect issues. In effect, I felt that I had no other option than to walk away. “I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone, but the “fated” thing, like feeling FATE brought you together, I mean didn’t it really really seem like it, were circumstances just insane and coincidences just too huge to overlook when you were brought together, even if it was time… Read more »

driveallnight
driveallnight
9 years ago

Ahem. You’ve read Rollo’s post concerning broads + things supernatural?

trying to move on
trying to move on
9 years ago
Reply to  driveallnight

No I don’t think I have…? Which one is it?

obviously the guy who's been ranting on another post about this, getting more out
obviously the guy who's been ranting on another post about this, getting more out
9 years ago

and no I have not contacted her, nor did I attempt to after we broke up beyond one call after calling her back – before I knew this was the real deal her making a huge fucking scene type of break up. 4 days ago we broke up for the nth time, 2 days ago I get a civil paper served to me for what I perceive being me not trying to get back together with her. 2 days before that we had the best sex I’ve ever had with her, hands down. I just want her to know, to… Read more »

tom
tom
9 years ago

BPD? jesus, this is exactly my (finally i dumped the b***h) ex-gf… this kind of shit can actually kill you, even though i was enough fucked up to keep it up for 10 yrs… crazy…. CRAZY, well even better: totally insane. i think the worst of all of this is that you can start a LTR like the boldest rake, the grl become enchanted by it, but than her BPDing turns you in a neurotic chump… and guess what? the problem (her problem, your problem, the villain of the world) are now you yourself… well untill you learn how it… Read more »

trackback
9 years ago

[…] nervous that any slight might mean the end of what was really a twisted, adolescent level BPD relationship. You cannot live like that forever; you will break it off, or you will commit suicide. […]

S
S
9 years ago

Oh, you had a BPD ex. This explains the overt misogyny.

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  S
trackback
9 years ago

[…] I was completely unprepared for it. I was an AFC (really a recovering AFC by that point due to a psychotic  relationship prior to all this) and there was no community back then to inform me otherwise. I had read some of […]

trackback
9 years ago

[…] was about 26 when I was in the waning days of dealing with the neurotic hell that was the BPD woman I had become psychologically ensnared with for almost 3 years at that time. I was sitting in […]

WornOut76
WornOut76
9 years ago

Here is my story…I met my ex 3 years ago online…we spoke online/on the phone for the first year, after that year I quit my job and moved to her small town to be with her, so I moved into her place and that lasted for 3.5 months till she kicked me out because all we do is argue she said, which was kinda true, but she was the cause of most arguments..5 days after she kicks me out she sleeps with an old FWB (how nice) Anyways a few weeks later we decide to give it another try, so… Read more »

gecko
gecko
9 years ago

I found this site while trying to understand my BPD ex boyfriend’s relationship with his BPD Mom. I agree with so much of the above. As a woman, this is not at all normal. BPD women target women as well, especially if you are percieved as a threat. Anything and everything will make you a threat. The BPD male is an equally scarry beast. Imagine your BPD partner in their wildest rage. Now picture them with 100 lbs of muscle on them and punching anything (and at times anyone in sight.) There is no reasoning with their logic. Just back… Read more »

David O'Garr
8 years ago

As a man with BPD, I have to tell you that your understanding of the disorder is very superficial and your post comes off in a way that promotes stigma against those of us who are enduring and surviving with Borderline Personality Disorder. I will not deny that the things that happened to you are probably truthful, and you should probably keep in mind that she was doing the best that she could with the tools that she had available. My BPD manifests quite differently, in fact I use it as a shield so I don’t get close to people… Read more »

trackback
8 years ago

[…] AFC extremisim comes into play. Honestly, I think this degree of an AFC mentality is comparable to Borderline Personality Disorder in neurotic […]

trackback

[…] AFC extremisim comes into play. Honestly, I think this degree of an AFC mentality is comparable to Borderline Personality Disorder in neurotic […]

Marie
Marie
8 years ago

As a full-blown BPD struggling with an LTR, I can definitely understand where these words are coming from. On the other hand, I’d like to see even one sentence (or comment) dedicated to the thought of actually attempting to help your BPD partner overcome her (or his) illness. As much as you have suffered, we with BPD are the ones who are not able to walk away from ourselves and the relationships we struggle so hard to maintain in our own crippled way. We suffer. A LOT. People with BPD are not lost causes and it pains me to see… Read more »

missmollyswork
missmollyswork
8 years ago

I scrolled all the way through looking for a post like Marie’s. This post and the ensuing comments made me very sad for the people who truly struggle with this disorder. I am female, dating a male BPD. It’s a nightmare sometimes, I won’t lie. And I get a LOT of advice about how I should just get the hell out of there and have nothing to do with him. And it’s probably not bad advice for me. But it’s terrible advice for him. People struggling with BPD need friends, family and lovers who understand their disorder and have a… Read more »

Kathie
8 years ago

I agree with Marie and missmollyswork above. However, it doesn’t matter how much the BPD needs “love, support” etc. If the relationship is getting to the abusive level, physically OR emotionally, you MUST separate yourself from the situation. Men take note – The female BPD’s main weapon is sex, to pull you back into a never ending cycle of dispair. This in itself is a form of abuse. No contact with a BPD like this is the only way to go. If they stalk/hassle/threaten you, do not back down. Do not discuss any of this with them, do NOT contact… Read more »

Horriblemonster
Horriblemonster
8 years ago

I have bpd….and sharin stones character in that movie cadino whete she plays ginger…i have acted almost EXACTLY like that in my relationships. Lol any

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[…] […]

Sherpa
Sherpa
8 years ago

The best BPD movie, by far, is ‘Prozac Nation’. An incredible portrayal of how a hard-driving, narcissistic mother and an abandoning father created the fertile soil for BPD seeds to grow… turning a college hottie into a ‘nightmare girlfriend’.

Shanon (@MartianBrothel)

I’ve been blogging about my experiences with BPD men and after a couple of years of therapy, I have put together some tips on how identify them. It’s not based purely on the “symptoms,” but focuses more on you feel around them.

Plenty of people may have these symptoms, but not the actual disorder. I’ve found it helpful to learn how to listen to my own reaction to someone, rather than trying to make a list of their faults and personality traits. It’s a much better system, in my opinion.

Boderline Boys (and 6 Ways to Spot Them)
http://strangedaysinthecity.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/boderline-boys-and-6-ways-to-spot-them/

pissheads
pissheads
8 years ago

Just fyi for you betas who failed to acknowledge the main cause of BPD in anyone (not just women). It is sexual abuse or trauma experienced in childhood that develops into a mood disorder which causes suicidal ideation in 75% of individuals. An “extreme case of the American women” is another poor excuse to stigmatise those who suffer from mental illness.

Clamato
Clamato
8 years ago

Avoid these women/people at all costs. There is no excuse when denial is denial. Sorry. It’s that simple.

Untreated BPDs in denial are the worst people out there. True vampires.

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[…] bit off more than you could chew with a feminist/activist/amateur webcam porn BPD neurotic bitch,..join the club. Now at least you’ll have something in common with over half the guys in the manosphere. The […]

bleep
bleep
8 years ago

@ab dada. At first I sympathized with you, then when I read about bed sheets I was like wtf?? The woman is so distressed that she wants to die and is trying to kill herself, and all you can think about is the f*cking bedsheets? Seriously? Is her life not worth more than 1800 bucks? It also seems you married her mainly for her looks, yet you consider yourself a knight of sorts. I have bpd, I admit my issues, but I avoid dating alltogether because men have such little empathy. They are sex driven and calloused and I dont… Read more »

Meet
Meet
7 years ago

Mr. Tomassi, I got your book 2 days ago on my Kindle and since then have barely slept (about 4 hours a day). Did not go to work as I cannot help but read your blog / book over and over again. My brain hurts but I want more, I suppose it is the unplugged Neo learning Jujitsu and wanting more. What you have put on this blog is 4 years of my life (wasted). I was timid then but what you have mentioned is the brutal reality. I wish someone could have punched me in the faces and told… Read more »

kb
kb
7 years ago

I don’t understand the the Feminist agenda. I am very pro woman, but they do not address the mental issues women do have, such as the majority endure BPD. My wife who suffers from this I took to the emergency ward of Bostons Brigham and Women’s hospital. She was having a breakdown, and to get immediate care she claimed she was suicidal. Once inside the ER they wanted to know why I had scratch marks all over my face. She had no physical injuries. Once they came to the conclusion it was not a legal matter, even though I was… Read more »

John
John
7 years ago

I’ve had a relationship with one for seven years. And yes, I eventually loved her, despite her lunacy. But only because I’m a sane, stable human being. To anyone reading this, thinking you will ‘win’ her over, forget it.Your persistance and patience are a joke to her, inwardly. And when she does temporarily come back around, it’ll be because something else — entirely separate from you, once her prime subject — has temporarily cheered her up. It could be money, someone offended them, it could be new male attention, anything. It is never about the other person who actually cares… Read more »

00000
00000
7 years ago

Wow, you guys are sick. You call people with mental illness crazy? Really? How immature. You diverse what you got.

John
John
7 years ago

Oh sure, ooooo’! Healthy people who’ve been burned by those with the perverse, lying, hypersexualised, cheating, manipulative, selfish emotional disorder known as BPD are the sick ones. Sure. You lying, filthy ****ing ignoramus.

BPD thinking: right is left, and left is right. Healthy is sick, sick is healthy. k’outta here.

Tam the Bam
Tam the Bam
7 years ago

10:”you guys are sick.”
15: sick = Bad and Shameful
20: “You call people with mental illness crazy”.
25: Shaming sick people by calling them sick people = sick
30: GOTO 15

tj
tj
7 years ago

I’m in a situation with who, I consider to be a BPD female, as I type this. A few posts have mentioned “fate”, like chance meetings and linear paths crossing at very ironic and eerily coincidental moments in time. I too, have had these moments happen to the both of us. In one instance, I had visions of having a child with her, a daughter. Very vivid, heart-felt and tear-jerking types of visions, which I’ve never had with any other women. Now, I used to think it was God’s syncronicty at work, His divine plan unfolding in our lives. Now… Read more »

kingy
kingy
7 years ago

hi everyone. I have been in the most craziest relationships ive ever had for the past year till it suddenly ended 2 weeks ago.i really thought she was the one .i knew she had a few issues as everyone does.at first they were small so i thought i could help her to get over her bad evil ex partner.thats according to her.horrible mistake!!!! .i had no idea what bpd was untill a friend explained what it was.i thought I was going crazy.so I got on the net.thank you for your blogs and good advice. its definitely helped me understand the… Read more »

Heather F.
7 years ago

I am an Alpha Woman and attract man after man like this. There is nothing you can do to stop a BPD sufferer except scorched earth policy, no mercy, ruthless detachment from them followed by repeated brutal blows until they shatter and crawl away.

It’s amazing, I can be simply walking down the street and it’s like every BPD male in a 50 mile vicinity can smell my pheromones and closes in.

I am lesbian and not interested in these men.

Life for me is hell.

Titanic
Titanic
7 years ago

Not to diminish your experience Rollo, I agree that BPD is tossed around way to casually.

Another term that seems frequently used without much rigor is codependency. Can/have you written about that?

Frank
Frank
7 years ago

Borderlines are cunts. Pure and simple.

andy
andy
7 years ago

Your girl sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder rather than BPD. There is a big difference.

Paul Bond
7 years ago

Border line personality disorder is a type of psychological disorder which changes the mood. People who are suffering with borderline personality disorder along with anxiety can be treated with the dialectical behavior therapy.

John Doe
John Doe
7 years ago

Fuck all the bitches with bpd. They ruined my life.

trackback
7 years ago

[…] worst was the 4 years I spent with a BPD girlfriend. I did a post on it. I was in the pit of blue pill hell and pushed to the brink. I didn’t […]

LiveFearless
6 years ago

On Sunday Oct. 19th at 5:20 p.m. BPD feature film “Imagine I’m Beautiful” is showing in Hollywood. in Hollywood

Immediately it, the Director, the Writer/Lead Actress that plays the BPD character “Lana” and a panel of mental health professionals will be there to discuss the film and BPD. You can educate/add to the conversation if you’re nearby.

LiveFearless
6 years ago

It begins with one perceived mistake:

Don
Don
6 years ago

BPD are sick who never get treatment. Atleast a majority of them never accept their responsibility. They eat you away inch by inch, blaming you for everything.

RUN RUN from them if you want to live a life.

margott
margott
6 years ago

Definitely the most misunderstood out of the ‘Cluster B’. anybody, who is interested… I would recommend to google Dr. George K. Simon. BPD can be found in most innocent people (doesn’t mean the don’t cause problems to others, but they suffer too and this sub-group of the BPD is the only one, who do manipulation etc subconsciously). the rest of the cluster B act COUCIOUSLY, THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO, DON’T GET TRUPPED BY OLD APPROACHES. Just read, you’ll be surprized!!

margott
margott
6 years ago

I wanted to say poorely understood…big difference

margott
margott
6 years ago

I forgot, while BPDs on the above mentioned end of the continuum (good ones), are the only ones with human emotions, out of cluster B, they are the worst, if/when IT GOES TOGETHR WITH PSYCHOPATHY, I.E. BPD PSYCHO IS THE WORST.

margott
margott
6 years ago

guys, keep in mind, the male BPD also exists. This is not, because I am a female, just to be scientifically proper, when you want to understand something. YES, FEMALE BPD (HISTRIONIC, EVEN THOUGH DSM HAS LISTED THEM SEPARETELY) VERY PROMISCUOUS….TERRRRRIBLE, MANIPULATIVE ETC. HOWEVER, LATELY MANY PROMINANT PSYCHOLOGISTS ARGUE, THAT THE NUMBER AMONG MEN IS UNDERESTIMATED, BECAUSE THE MALE BPD MANIFESTS VERY DIFFERENTLY.
just google ‘fragile and dangerous men’.

LiveFearless
6 years ago

@margott

There is a reason that a WOMAN made a movie about a woman with BPD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gumcX3zgvcY

EVERY man should see this film. It’s available for rent or purchase on iTunes, Vimeo and many other sources. The understanding you’ll gain might just save your life. Thank you, Rollo, for writing such an accurate description of BPD. Those of us that have been in a relationship with one in the past are thankful to be alive.

emmanuel omassi
6 years ago

I have been with a girl that has BPD now for a year and half, she refuses to get treatment, I have now thrown her out 6 times now, this time I dumped her on the phone, I was out of the country, she started demanding for material things like a car and a house, and a dog, we had just gotten back together for 2 months, I told her that we will do this in near future, these were plans we had prior to her acting up, all of a sudden, in a phone conversation, she started asking for… Read more »

alexi
alexi
6 years ago

Emmanuel, are you serious dude? Or just trolling?? If what you say is even real, there’s so many things wrong with your post idk where to begin. Bugging her phone? Cheating? Justifying cheating bc “you’ve had better”? Honestly id be disgusted if I dated you. I’m not even sure if the girl has bpd, or if she’s simply tired of your shit. Its understandable why she’s lashing out at you. I think she needs to find her independence and self worth, bpd or not, and leave the relationship for good. If you are tired of her then you should end… Read more »

emmanuel omassi
6 years ago

Sorry but you have not read what I wrote properly, number one she does not know that I have been bugging her phones or anything, number 2 it is only in the last 2 or 3 months that I have discovered that she is BPD and I have been speaking to doctors that specialize in mental illness and they want me to bring her in to make a diagnoses number 3 she has never caught me cheating actually, she believes that I have been cheating with an ex, when we broke up in past, I became verbally abusive yes because… Read more »

alexi
alexi
6 years ago

Emmanuel, you are scum whether she knows it or not. You don’t belong in a relationship if you are verbally abusive, cheating, and value your partner according to her sexual abilities mainly. She might have a feeling about how scummy you are. Then, instead of attempting to better yourself, you dump all responsibility and blame on her. Because of her low self worth, she accepts it. Whether you agree with me or not, you know you should end the relationship. She is clinging to you due to low self worth, and you cling to her for the ego boost of… Read more »

emmanuel omassi
6 years ago

If I was the scum I would not have put forward the hundreds of thousands of dollars in projects, I am sitting with a farm project outside of Guadalajara Mexico, that has nothing to do with me, I am not one that came up with these brilliant projects and then walk away from them, I am sure that if your boyfriend came up to you and asked you to invest in these type of projects and then walked away for no reason at all, that you would give him shit also, and I am not valuing anyone on there sexual… Read more »

alexi
alexi
6 years ago

Wow. What an entitled narcissist prick. As a romantic partner, you’re scum. I don’t care what “projects” you may be working on. If she can’t let go, then its your duty to let go of the failed relationship. No one is holding a gun to your head. And get a shrink if you can’t seem to use logic or be a good partner. I’m done and won’t be answering this thread anymore. I’m unsubscribing. Bubye.

emmanuel omassi
6 years ago

also during time that we are together I have never been verbally abusive, you have to understand we get along amazing, we do not even ever have an argument, it is only after she had her episodes that I become abusive.

emmanuel omassi
6 years ago

typical run away, in life people have to be responsible, for what they do. you cannot run forever, I you start something in life you have to finish, at least I am taking the initiative to change and understand the problem and change. I do not run away from things, unlike you as I see, typical coward, like you said earlier, you have decided that you cannot be with men, because you cannot deal with it, so run along little girl.

alexi
alexi
6 years ago

Really? Wow. Yeah I can’t wait to get a narcissistic psychopath like you to bug my phone, cheat on me, verbally abuse me and critique my sexual performance. Sounds fuckin awesome (obvious sarcasm). Anyway, I’m now unsubscribed and won’t be able to see future comments from crazy assholes. Goodbye.

trackback
6 years ago

[…] and several other women most guys just fantasize about – half the reason I stayed with the BPD girlfriend for so long was because she was just so fucking hot – but not once did I have any thought of […]

melasoban
6 years ago

I think the increment of Asperger traits on men and BPD on women is dictated by the abuse of brain stimulation through continuous arousal fueled by novelty. If you watch the famous TED talk “The Demise of Guys” you will find out that Phillip Lombardo describes the increment of guys who are struggling on communicating with the opposite sex among other problems like lack of motivation to engage in longer term rewarding activities. There I decided to start researching behavioural patterns to find out how to overcome procrastination and porn (which in the end are related). Yourbrainonporn gave me the… Read more »

Factcheck
Factcheck
6 years ago

@melasoban: Get your facts straight. Aspergers is genetic while bpd is learned behaviour.

melasoban
6 years ago

Rollo Stated “It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness.”

What I am stating is that social intelligence/retardation can easily become a “not learned behaviour” if a guy spends most of his time behind interactions with machines instead of persons, therefor he could display some traits that are related to asperger’s

Naomi
Naomi
6 years ago

After reading these comments and hearing people’s experiences with BPD women, I’m mortified. I am a 21 year old woman with BPD and I have been in a committed relationship with a guy for almost 3 years now. I recognize some of the BPD behavior in myself, the self-justifying, selfishness, and over-emotional outbursts that have been prevalent in our relationship. After reading the comments, I can simply assume that my boyfriend must be a saint. He has managed to keep me interested, make me want to be monogamous, force me to address my issues, realize I have BPD and hasn’t… Read more »

M Simon
6 years ago

Naomi
July 8th, 2015 at 1:22 am

You might try making friends with one of his “openings”. Sometimes it helps. The competition can help you improve. OTOH it might not work. But as long as you are trying to make yourself better it is worth at least one try.

High functioning BPD patient
High functioning BPD patient
6 years ago

Aww–did she hurt you? The woman/women you’ve dealt with are in no way representative of everyone with BPD, and it’s asinine to try to apply your highly specific experiences (such as the open relationship thing) to all women with BPD.

adnan khondker
adnan khondker
5 years ago

haha the borderline female and the one sides open relationship. the borderline female will always be in an open relationship, but only on her end. if you so much as hold an innocent nonsexual non flirtatious conversation with another female, it will throw the clown into a fit of anger and jealousy. this coming from the same clown who cheats on you and is always craving male attention. my only advice is, if you are with a borderline woman, cheat on her. she is cheating on you so do the same to her. do not be a beta male chump… Read more »

Alexandra Serban
5 years ago

“She’s an hb 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5. Catastrophic loss”. LOol. I’m supposed to believe that males are capable of love when the they say shit like this??: sounds like y’all are nothing but shallow sex addicts. Don’t worry, this evil bpd wants nothing to do with your ” love”. I want money and I always get it.l

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

I have relived a long ago memory reading the site. In support of all the other unfortunates, I’ll relate my tale – but be warned – it’s an ugly tale! So, to start, I discovered that my ex was having an affair, revolving around a “church based canoe group”.Initially, I began questioning and blaming myself, telling her that we needed to work it out. I spoke to a professional seeking support and answers, who somehow got her in to see him. He reported to me that he diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I had some major choices… Read more »

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

A little further look into the brain of a BPD – quotes from a BPD serial cheater—- 1 – After buying my BPD cheating ex a new car, she wanted to take a continuing education 2 day class in auto maintenance. I wasn’t interested, saying we could pay for someone to take care of the car better than I could. She attended the class and slept with the mechanic. When I was astounded that she would do this, I could only ask why – she said that “I didn’t care about her” – (forget the $50,000 sports car she was… Read more »

beave
5 years ago

tbh all the bpd’s in our lives shook us out of the bullshit story we told ourselves about ourselves. sure it sucks, but i would nvr go back to how i once thought of the world. ugh just thinking about how i was back then… bleh. I like to think its like the universe sharpening u into something worthwhile.

im pretty sure i can tell if ur a bpd by just talking to u. they have no life in them. or essence? idk definitely made life more interesting.

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

A distinct danger to a male, who is ever married to a cheating BPD wife, is that you eventually may be unsure if “your” children are actually yours! I know if a case where an older guy married a younger woman and she had a daughter a couple of years later. The man eventually found out that his young wife was cheating on him and confronted her. Well, it got ugly – she eventually ditched the guise of an insulted, falsely accused wife, confessing that she had cheated and that the daughter was not his biological child, but that of… Read more »

bo jangles
bo jangles
5 years ago

Borderlines are living in their own personal hell often with a 10% suicide rate. Here is an interesting type of treatment they have been using successfully for it. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

I forgot to relate a very positive result from my horrible experiences with a cheating BPD ex wife! I experienced the joke teller’s dream turn around – I divorced the nasty, 40-something whore wife #1 and remarried a spiritually and physically beautiful 20-something woman! A spectacular trade! For all those struggling with the decision of divorce or hang on —- I can absolutely assure and encourage you to remove yourself from the BPD. It’s a big world, with a lot of normal women – some even fabulous – and your life with one of them will change so much, you… Read more »

RaiNFall
RaiNFall
5 years ago

Why can’t we start making a list of them and start naming names? At least when guys in online dating google them, they can run

Lidiam0ndz
Lidiam0ndz
5 years ago

Should have done a more thorough search, thanks for this!

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

A BPD is the most evil person I encountered in my long life, by a wide margin!

Whether they can help themselves or not, they are still guilty.

No matter what they do, they often believe that apologizing heals every wound they have inflicted.

They are soul less monsters!

Run away from them, as fast and far as you can.

Jayboy
Jayboy
5 years ago

Untill I educated myself on this whole BPD Behaviour I had no idea what the ***k was going on, it is a huge waste of time and constant re assurance in order to maintain the relationship. Looking back having been 4 years in.. with a great looking girl I have to admit, you gotta go out there and turn off your feelings. The one thing these nut jobs will do is get you to open up emotionally so they can manipulate you. Which sounds like not a big deal, but if you’ve experienced say, a death in the family or… Read more »

Wild Man
Wild Man
5 years ago

@JayBoy – Everything you say is same as my experience, so I vigorously agree it is best to see the signs so as not to engage at all in the first place. For me, the strangest part about it all was – after I erroneously got too deeply involved and knew what I was dealing with – I started looking into BDP, and the psych community does outline alot that rings true, but I still couldn’t really completely reconcile it all in my mind – i.e. – after the relationship was ended, I had this strong desire to still know… Read more »

RaiNFall
RaiNFall
5 years ago

It’s fascinating how these BPDs work. They look for men with wounds (e.g custody battle, divorce, lost job recently, etc) and they pounce. They do whatever they can to scare the smart men away. I’ve ran from the hills of so many of them, but i see their same patterns.

I have a few acquaintances/ “Cool Girls” that are Cluster B/comorbid BPD that show me how they work. They basically do ridiculous shit to guys and whoever sticks around, they know they have total control over them.

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

The mindset needed to deal with these freaks is to realize that they are not tied to you, like you may be to them. They are like 5 year olds choosing games at a toy store, and have absolutely no problem with losing interest in your game, breaking vows and confidences, always rationalizing that you caused them to do it. Do not allow one of them to steal years of your life – they don’t care about you, only looking for a moments shelter – but never establishing any bonds to you, the situation, other people in the family, or… Read more »

RaiNFall
RaiNFall
5 years ago
Reply to  Hugh

Amen, this is so true.

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

Just like in a TV Soap Opera, its all about acting like they are someone else – someone they skillfully calculate you will like.

RaiNFall
RaiNFall
5 years ago

They’re wearing the same masks that the narcissists hides.

Hugh
Hugh
5 years ago

I was rereading my long post describing my long ago marriage ending drama with a cheating BPD wife. One other detail is illustrative of how shallow and desperate these monsters are —— I described an apparent attempted suicide, more cheating, and her leaving. What I left out is that she moved in with still another boyfriend within weeks, quit her medical professional job, and moved across the country – all within months of our divorce. From what I’ve read, career interruptions and cross-country relocations are common with BPDs, as well has having additional “boy friends” already in line when the… Read more »

Randy Treibel
Randy Treibel
5 years ago
Reply to  Hugh

Also be aware of why you liked this woman. When the next hottie comes a long that is madly in to you even if it seems realistic, ask some real questions to them and yourself.

trackback
5 years ago

[…] From Hugh: […]

SFC Ton
5 years ago

test

farmlegend
5 years ago

Tell me this crazy bitch doesn’t have BPD written all over her.

http://www.snopes.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/christy-sheats.png

http://heavy.com/news/2016/06/christy-sheats-texas-mother-mom-kills-shoots-daughters-madison-taylor-facebook-guns-husband-jason/

She has the same look in her eyes as the woman that introduced me to BPD – that being my ex-wife. I’m seriously lucky to have gotten away from her with my life.

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