Tag Archives: social proof

February 22, 2012

Breadcrumbs

By Rollo Tomassi

The following is a cut & paste from a guy I counsel, but he said it was cool if I posted it here for the benefit of others.

At work we’ve had a recent move around of desks and people.
In my new place I am sitting with three chicks I like.

To my left is chick 1:
she likes dogs, looks pretty and has a nice figure. She isn’t hugely confident but has been semi competing for my attention.
To my front is chick 2:
She likes horses, looks nice and has an awesome figure. She has a lot of confidence and has been attempting to gain my attention for most of the day.
To my right is chick 3:
I don’t know what she likes. She looks ok, has a nice body, has medium confidence and has not attempted to gain my attention.

I am leaving this place in a couple of weeks, leaving me open to date people from work.
Which one should I go for and why?

Which one is the hottest? That should be your intitial target and thus the one you pay the least attention to (I didn’t say “no” attention to). From your description it sounds like #2 is the likely candidate, but then, why settle for only one? If you’re getting AIs (approach invitations) from all of these girls – and yes, #3 is also interested just by social proof from the other two – why not use this to your advantage? Stop thinking like a sniper, start thinking like a machine gunner.

Now I’m sure all of the guys reading will think, “Rollo you’re such a moron, how’s this guy supposed to work all 3 of these girls simultaneously?” But remember, many times I’ve posted that women are highly competitive, more competitive than men, only they compete covertly in ways that men are generally unaware of. This guy’s only pitfall he needs to avoid is becoming TOO familiar with any of these girls, because then he’ll become another ‘one of the girls’ in the office. Don’t let on (by behaviors or words) that you in any way are seeing or have the potential to be exclusive to any of them or anyone outside the office either (you don’t have a girlfriend, neither are you looking for one, girls are looking for you). Don’t get chummy with any of them, meaning, no going off to lunch with any of them (or all of them), you have ‘work’ to do or are meeting ‘business associates’ for some ‘side project’ you’re involved in. When you get chummy with any ONE of these women you will have been diffused and they’ll consider you their brother (i.e. she’ll consider sex with you to be incest) or worse still, one of their girlfriends. If this happens your odds with hooking up with any of them is greatly diminished.

Situation Analysis

Lets take a little inventory of what these chicks know about you already. They know where you work and what you do – this is a disadvantage in that it’s a lot of information that they already have a basic understanding of and can extrapolate from. They most likely also have a common sense knowledge of your education level from either casual conversation or by implying it from your employment. Again, another disadvantage, but you can turn these to advantages with the right inferrences. I’m not 100% aware of your situation with, or the individual conditions of these girls so I can only provide you with a general sense of what to do based on all this happening in a vaccuum, but try to think of anything else any one girl, and/or all of them collectively might know about you from any conversations or appearances you presented to any of them.

For instance, how do you dress at work? That might seem innocuous enough a question, but think of what their reaction would be if you dressed more stylish or GQ all of a sudden if they were used to you dressing down for work regularly. They’d know something was up automatically and have you figured out immediately. Rather, if you want, begin gradually dressing up a bit at a time. This sends the message that something is changing with you (for the better obviously) and they’ll be curious. That’s when you can say something like, “oh, I’m working on an independent project for______ (implies extra-workplace ambition) and I’ve been doing _____ (something they wouldn’t expect or don’t know about you, but I’d suggest something artistic or that implies creative intelligence) so I guess I have been dressing a little differently (ambiguous reasoning that infers you have been so involved in your ‘projects’ that you are oblivious to the big, and ‘unintentional’, changes in yourself).” And as if this weren’t enough you ‘allow’ her to point it out to you, thus stroking her own ego and making her feel good for picking up on it and pointing it out to you.

Conversation

Scenarios like this tease interest in women, but remember, mete out your personal information to them like dog treats. The trick is to mine them for information in casual conversation while dropping ‘breadcrumbs’ about yourself in the conversation and this is all too easy to do once you get the knack for it. Keep in mind that women are naturally better with language and non-verbal communication skills than men, so again, use this to your own advantage. Getting a woman to talk about herself has got to be the easiest thing for a man to do since this is what they love most, but listening and picking up on threads in her conversation is the real skill to master. A person who talks about themself is an egoist, a person who talks about others is a gossip, but a person who can get another person to talk about themself is a brilliant conversationalist. The key to conversation is to shape it in such a way that you leave her with an emotional perception of you. It bears repeating that women communicate differently than men, but in doing so they form emotional perceptions with another person (guy or girl) as part of that communication.

Again, use this to your advantage by making her ‘feel’ you when you talk. I’m sure you’ve all heard that men are more ‘visually oriented’ that women, but women are more attuned to voice, touch and smell than men. All of this equates to an overall emotional perception of you. When you enter her environment (she hears your voice, feels your casual touch, and yes, even sees you) she recalls this emotional perception. Remember that you are creating this from your first encounter. Too many guys think that women work just like guys and figure they can easily alter perceptions based on different conditions, you can’t, or at least it doesn’t happen very easily and by then is rarely worth the effort.

Breadcrumbs – Rewarding  Desired Behavior

I also think the ‘breadcrumbs’ technique needs a bit of explaining too. Most desperate guys will more than happily tell a girl his life story, how his Mom is, what he wants from life and women and tell a girl he ‘loves’ her all in the first hour of the first date and then go home to wonder why the girl wants nothing to do with him. He sold the farm on the first date and freely gave away his mystery and challenge by believing the common myth that women want a guy to be “upfront” and “honest”, this is false. Women want challenge, not honesty; full disclosure is the kiss of death.

It’s a lot like sport fishing; if you have a marlin hooked on your line and you immediately yank the rod and reel the line as fast as you can you’ll snap the line, but if you slowly pump the rod and reel the line in gradually (while letting out a bit as needed) and play the fish, you’ll gradually land the big marlin. – breadcrumbs are a way of doing just this. ‘Breadcrumbs’ are little trails for her to follow in your conversation that lead to something about yourself that you want her to find out. If you overtly tell her “I’m studying to be a lawyer/doctor” this bludgeons her with overt information and gives her the emotional impression that you’re ‘trying’ to impress her (i.e. an egoist). But if you offer her a breadcrumb in passing about some case study you’ve just read or how hard the hours of your internship is at the hospital that leads her to a conclusion on her own that she had to make a connection for to understand.

Women LOVE making these connections because it validates their own perceptive abilities in ways men rarely realize. It gives them a feeling of accomplishment when they make these connections. Even these are pretty blatant examples, but you get the drift, the message you want to send her has to be picked up as a breadcrumb that leads her to what you want her to know. This is covert communication and something she’s naturally adept at. Most guys think women wont ‘get it’ and go over into overt communication and drop the interest or else their breadcrumbs are too obvious and then she picks up on your real intent – which is sometimes worse than just being overt! It takes practice, but the key is to err on the side of being too subtle than too ‘in her face’ with a breadcrumb.

11 Comments   |  tags: , | posted in Game, Inter-gender Communication

February 10, 2012

The Threat

By Rollo Tomassi

Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value to women.

My use of the word “threat” here isn’t to imply malice. I’m sure more simplistic associations with violence or conflict is the natural one, but a “threat” is a challenge – how one deals with it is what’s at issue. As I stated in the Three Strikes thread,

Women’s sexual strategy is very schizophrenic – ideally women want a Man that other women want to fuck, but in order to assess his sexual market value to other women he’s got to have exercisable options for her to compete against, or at least display indirect social proof to that effect. So, she needs to limit his options while simultaneously determining he has those options.

This internal conflict between a want for security and provisioning, and a need for the ‘gina tingles that only the excitement indignation, drama and Alpha dominance can stimulate is the fundamental root for women’s shit tests. From Plate Theory VI:

Essentially a shit test is used by women to determine one, or a combination of these factors:

a.) Confidence – first and foremost
b.) Options – is this guy really into me because I’m ‘special’ or am I his only option?
c.) Security – is this guy capable of providing me with long term security?

Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs. They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re aware of doing it they’ll still do it. Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.

For a woman, to encounter a man with a healthy awareness of his own value to women, this constitutes a threat. Here is a man for whom’s attention women will demonstrably compete for, AND he knows this. This is the most basic affront to the feminine imperative; to be unplugged, of high SMP value and to derive confidence from it. Therefore, in order to actualize her own sexual strategy, his self-confidence MUST be put into self-doubt, because if such a man were to use this knowledge to his own benefit he may not select her from a pool of better prospective women. Thus she must ask “Are you really sure of yourself? You think you’re so great? Maybe you’re just egotist? Don’t tempt fate.”

In this example we can see the conflict inherent in women’s sexual strategy; she wants the Alpha dominance of a confident Man, but not so confident that he can exercise his options with other women well enough to make an accurate estimation of her own SMV.

Ambiguity in men’s assessment of a woman’s true sexual market value is the primary tool of the feminine imperative.

The same characteristics that give him his confidence and acknowledged sense of worth are exactly the same things that women want to be associated with. Even the most controlling, domineering wife still wants to tell her friends that the AFC she married is a “real Man”, and even after privately berating him, will defend him as such because anything less is a reflection on her own self-image. She wants to be with a Man that other men want to be, and other women want to fuck, because it confirms for her that she’s of an equal or higher value to attract such a Man.

Women don’t want a man to cheat, but they love a Man who could cheat.

That is the threat and the attraction. Women want a Man that has confidence in his own value; that’s sexy, but the more he self-realizes this the greater the anxiety is that she’ll be found wanting as he better understands his options. So it becomes necessary to develop social contrivances that are standardized across the feminine gender that limit the full recognition of masculine self-value. Thus masculinity is ridiculed, men become characterized as slaves to their sexuality, and masculinity becomes doubted by virtue of itself. In a global sense, the feminine imperative relies on the same ambiguity women will individually employ to confuse the efforts of men to assess their true SMV. By means of social conventions, psychologically force him to doubt his own SMV and women become the arbiters of it.

Race to Awareness

Because of women’s relatively short window of peak sexual viability it is imperative that men be as unaware of their slower, but progressively increasing SMV for as long as possible in order for them to achieve the prime directive of female hypergamy; realize the best genetic options and the best provisioning options she has the capacity to attract in that peak window. If Men become aware of their SMV before a woman can consolidate on her options with monogamous commitment her sexual strategy is defeated.

The mistake (and the binary retort) is to think this need for contrivances was concocted in whole as some grand sisterhood conspiracy. This just proves an ignorance of social constructs. For a social contrivance to be such, it necessitates being repeated by society WITHOUT a formal conception – meaning we learn the contrivance from seeing it, internalizing it and repeating it ourselves without forethought. The best social contrivances are inconspicuous and rarely questioned because they’ve been learned without having been formally taught. This is why I think encouraging men NOT to bother trying to understand women is in itself a social convention. Don’t look at that man behind the curtain, just accept it for what it is, enjoy the show, you’re better off that way, the Mighty Oz has spoken.

This is the threat that Game represents to the feminine imperative. Widely shared, objective assessments of Men’s SMV and how it develops is the antithesis of the female sexual strategy. Women’s greatest fear is that they could become the ‘selected’ instead of the ‘selectors’.

78 Comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Sexual Market Value, The Feminine Imperative, Uncategorized, Unplugging

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