When someone posts a comment in the blog and claims to be a woman, there a stream of men rushing to advise her…

Observe the initial portrayal of Ms Hepburn’s persona; do not, by all that is holy, do ANY of this. Of course, you certainly are not. Obviously. Because you said so. Cough cough.

Observe the latter part ; learn, mark and inwardly digest.

Dunno why I bother. Ms Spock here is going to demand peer-reviewed citations, no doubt.

No, you said that. I said that was projection.

re: “I think you might have misunderstood a few things in regards to my interactions with some of these guys.”

I think, rather, you implied you actually expressed interest and they actually recoiled, and I understood correctly that you weren’t implying reality.

re: “set-up of what”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Let’s step back and recall that men *sexually* prefer nice girls. Men *sexually* prefer willing girls. Almost no women are actually good giving and game towards men (reread Buena Vista about that), as defined by men. So, give the GGG vibe and you will be swarmed by men continously. This is generic advice, but it applies.

But you’ve also said that what you’re doing isn’t working: giving off the SIW vibe about not needing a man but you think you’re ready now to maybe consider a really great one if he danced to your tune properly. EXACTLY like the vast majority of other women. Hear us now. We men hate that; nothing is less attractive than a judgmental b-tch with lists of demands and hoops to jump through.

So, the set-up here is men worried that they might get stuck into romancing a woman who is going to turn out to be picky, judgmental, neurotic, etc., after huge sunk costs of time and effort and money etc. So to avoid that odor to a guy, first you have to ensure that you are coming across as naturally cheap for him, in the sense that it would not take huge sunk costs for him. You are already far behind the curve on this one, so this is the hard part for you, sorry.

Second, ensure that you are NOT giving off the picky, judgmental, neurotic, etc. SIW vibe. This is *easy* girl game: bat your eyes at him and tell him he’s SO smart and SO strong and SO capable and you made him his favorite sandwich which is now your favorite too because his tastes are SO wonderful, etc.

“I agree they/we/I are outta there if we smell set-up. If she wants, we could give her some pointers to not smell like that.”

If “they/we/I are outta there if we smell set-up” of what?

First of all, I’m not “propositioning” anyone. When I previously said that I’ve being interested in some of these guys, it wasn’t in the sense of walking up to them out of nowhere and telling them that I want to date them. And no, none of the guys I’ve interacted with match your description.at.all.

“Confused is essentially proposing transactional sex: man gives her attention, she takes her clothes off, soaring violins, roll credits. (Easy as pie! You put part A in receptacle B, and what’s to ponder, learn, develop?)
However men who have been around the block may prefer validational sex: heart-stopping attentions, kindness and respect. And they may view transactional sex as a thrilling opportunity to rejoin the Bataan Death”

Again, there’s been NO “proposing” of any kind. And it bears repeating that my earlier comment about sex not being rocket science was not meant as “(Easy as pie! You put part A in receptacle B, and what’s to ponder, learn, develop?)” as you seem to think I was implying. It bears repeating that all I was trying to say was that it could be learned and that instinct would probably factor in.

I think you might have misunderstood a few things in regards to my interactions with some of these guys. First of all, I wasn’t really “approaching” or “expressing interest” in the sense of just walking up to them, asking them on dates, or “propositioning” as one of the other posters so inaccurately seemed to assume. Also, it’s not that I’m specifically trying to look for men 15-25 years older than me, but rather that I just happen to sometimes meet guys who I find attractive and who happen to be in that age range.

“I’m not buying it. At all. Sorry, Charlie”.
and the men think she’s dorky or something, and recoil.”Men actually sexually like dorky girls, the way that women lie about liking dorky guys. Men actually sexually like girls period. Men are easy.”

Ok, I’m a little confused now,(hence my screen name) so you’re saying these guys don’t like me because I’m “dorky” yet “men sexually like dorky girls because men are easy?” which one is it?

I came here in good faith and I appreciate the honest, helpful guidance I’ve received from a lot of the posters.

“Or maybe someone in these “communities” will be kind enough to set you up. Anyway, you seem impressed with the quality of relationships and sex in these “communities.” So why not simply seek their guidance–especially since you appear not to have gleaned anything helpful via your interactions here?”

I spoke of these “communities” merely to show that there are people who marry when they’re older without previous sexual experience and do fine in their marriages contrary to what some of the posters on here say. I was not trying to say that these “communities” are superior in any way, nor was I trying to invoke an “us” vs “them” response. I don’t seek out the advice of these communities because as I’ve stated, they are mostly religious and traditional, and even though I do pray and believe in God, I lead a largely secular lifestyle (minus the sexual experience). Hence my reason for not trying to seek out partners in more religious circles. And I have in fact gleaned many useful things via my interactions “here” even if it may not seem that way to some.

“(No one said anything about “fated,” so no need to introduce that straw man.)”

No, but it just seemed to be implied. I apologize if I misinterpreted what you were trying to say.

“…I’ve already done the work to overcome the effects of the circumstances that led me to my current situation….”
What adequate “work” could you have done (no, taking a Human Sexuality course doesn’t count) and how could you know the full “effects” of your sex-negative history, until you’ve had some kind of experience?”

I didn’t say the human sexuality course was part of the work I put in. Although I have done other work on overcoming what I was taught on the subject from early on in life. However after reflecting on what’s been written in this thread, I realize now that I still have a lot of work left to do.

“If that’s what it comes to down, I’m sure I could live with that and still lead a good and happy life…so far, I’ve done okay on my own.”
No doubt you’re already communicating that–and the men you’re interested in are getting the message. This is the fundamental tension at the heart of the Strong, Independent Woman™”

I never thought I gave off that vibe but I realize now it’s quite possible I that am. (albeit unintentionally) I’m really going to try change the way I come across,