Hypergamy certainly did exist, look at the fierce competition for the most desirable men in jane austen’s novels for example – mr darcy is the target of miss bingley’s desperate advances, and Elizabeth rightly guesses that part of her attraction for mr darcy is that she does not flatter and praise him like other women he has been used to. or, going further back, look at anne Boleyn’s resolute refusal to become Henry VIII’s mistress – she had her eye on the ultimate prize, becoming Queen.

Nope. There was no “trophy wife” fad. It didn’t exist. See the data at Dalrock’s – it’s not there.

What was there? Female in-group preference and apex fallacy. If one upper middle class senior partner in a law firm gets a divorce from his wife and marries his secretary, then so far as women are concerned he’s “everyman”. Because women can’t see men below a certain ranking in the SMP, period.

What was “there” was all in women’s fertile imaginations, aided by the infotainment industry that exists to sell stuff to….women.

Maybe, possibly, perhaps there was a brief storm of men actually trading up in some parts of some states back in the 1970’s, when divorce laws changed. But that’s still the same thing – just because a rash of wealthy, upper middle class men in Marin County or Malibu, etc. took advantage of the 1969 divorce law to trade in their old wives, it still says nothing, nothing about the 99.99% of married men in California at that time.

Women see what they want to see. In the 80’s, as men’s-fault was storming through the country, anti-family court was ripping families apart because women weren’t haaaaaapy, men were killing themselves in increasing numbers as the divorce industry chewed them up — and women wanted to be told scary stories about men “trading up” to trophy wives. Perhaps because the reality was a bit too ugly? Or perhaps out of sheer projection? Likely at this late date we can’t say, and as Rollo points out that “trophy wife” dog won’t hunt anymore, anyway.

And the facts are clear: if there was any serious amount of divorce to “trade up” it hasn’t been going on for as long as we have reliable data.

Much of feminism can be viewed as a bunch of females sitting around a campfire telling each other ghost stories.

Is it a coincidence that this meme was perpetuated while women’s divorce rates were skyrocketing? I say it was a great way to distract from what was going on in society.

Similarly, we hear a lot about ‘Shallow Hal’ type men, when it’s women who regard 80-90% of the opposite sex as ‘below average’ and beneath them.

Ouch on the LJBF. 10 years, wow. I get it, you were in DEEP. So now you know – their is no way to negotiate or “earn” desire. To me, that is the core lesson of “friend zoning”. Even more to the point, think about what is going on with you trying to win her over for all this time. You were qualifying with her endlessly. Remember, the point of a “shit test” from a women is to establish her framing of you and really, to test your dominance. And once you have submitted to a woman’s frame, well, you just ain’t that attractive. You see, they want a dominant male, no matter what they say. So the entire posture of the “friend zone” guy sets you up to be impossible to want to fuck.

There is something sick about women who do this. While I always resist this kind of thing, I had a women trick me into being her beta in waiting for a while – it was like she had to have me as her orbiter even though I had already opted out. I’ll try to make this pithy. Her name is Niki and I met her at some self-improvement course we were taking. I do my usual as she’s a cute petite blonde in her late 30s, I’m friendly for a short bit, make a move, she declines, I’m like okay.

She’s fun though and one of these ‘Sex in the City’ type girls who has a wide social circle and always has something going on, so I plug into her circle of friends and go out to parties or meet her at clubs. I’m fine. No oneitis, I’ve moved on to other women. I really never thought much about it.

She calls me up and tells me she needs to talk to me, I suggest dinner and meet her. I’ve known her for 2-3 years by now. She explains that she really does want to be with me. I’m stunned, literally I thought she wanted some business advice or something. But I liked her and was attracted to her so I’m like, “Right on”. But then when I’m walking her back to her apt, she won’t even make out with me, forget fucking her which is what I was after. I’m left scratching my head.

She keeps me circling like this for a couple of months before I pull my head out of my ass. And remember, I never friend zone. But she sucked me in. Finally I confront her and she tells me this story. I’m no longer doing the self -improvement stuff, she’s doing some other crazy “class”. In it, apparently Niki’s issues with men have been made a case study in this class of about 60 women who are trying to “actualize” or some nonsense. Niki had been the classic, alpha cock carousel riding girl who never got off. Early 40s by this point, she was constantly going for these super high smv types and getting used. A Morrocan prince, drummer from a touring band – but now she’s older and it’s so much worse but she can’t stop.

Turns out I’m her “project”. I’m described as the “perfect guy” for her by her and confirmed by her class. I make good money, am good looking (not stunning), have a kid already (this social proof of provider status does activate some women) and am apparently the type she “should” be interested in. So the class is making her do this. I’m an experiment. I cannot believe it. It was so bizarre. You see, I refused to be her beta provisioner/orbiter – you have to get that. I was not in a friend zone with her, she rented literally no space in my head. I didn’t hang out with her for a couple of months sometimes. I learned young to approach early if you are interested and move on, and always did that. So she had to rope me in by telling me she wanted to be with me – but already, from the outset, wasn’t actually attracted to me. It was so bizarre.

I actually calmed down after a couple of months and she apologized profusely and we actually went back to being the kind of friends we were before. I had never cared about the guys she banged, we didn’t really talk about it. She would come out to my music gigs or I would be at her party or something, and Niki was a fun person, very energetic, social, friendly. I liked having her as a friend and didn’t crave anything more so I was happy to revert to that. Fyi, when this all came to a head, I immediately “closed” on another women I had in my orbit. The best way to get a woman out of your head is to pursue another one.

I never could make any sense of it until the Red Pill. When I fully saw how she was force-fitting me into the beta orbiter role and solely saw me as a provider object – while having been my friend for a while, well it was mindblowing. And get this – Niki had been a very good friend in some way. Now I know. There is machinery in women that overrides their decency and humanity at times wrt to men. And of course, when push comes to shove, it’s always all about them. Message received ‘5 over 5′.

If wives stopped attaching emotional qualifiers to sex, and understood it as nothing more than a friendly back rub, and learned to fuck their husbands like porn stars…. especially 40+ when let’s face it marriage can sink into a mundane tedium….

The divorce rates would plummet

I’d replace the family court with a bondage dungeon and a couple of good dominatrix and send the couple in there for education.

The ironic thing of the “Eat Pray Love” ideal is the 40+ woman rediscovers herself with the new guy, fucking like a champion when it suits her.

This has little to do with so called Hypergamy, and everything to do with laziness.

One of the reasons I’m a little more levelheaded now is I got LJBF’d by my one-itis a few days ago. That was really the kick in the ass I needed.

This is the best part, and I shit you not: a while after turning me down she posts a picture of herself on a CAROUSEL. A fucking carousel. You can’t write shit like this.

Just took my entire blue pill fantasy and shattered it into a million pieces and then stabbed me with them.

Now all I can think of is that she’s a two timing self absorbed slut, and I was a dumb enough schmuck to let her play me like she did. I finally can see the covert bullshit for myself, how she was allowing me to play “friends” with her, and keep flirting with me and stringing me along to keep the emotional support and occasional favors going without any intention of ever being sexual with me, despite all the subtle ‘hints’ she dropped that pointed in that direction.

I was just a beta orbiter the whole time that I was thinking she would see I was really the one for her. What a fucking moron. Looking back on it I just want to slap myself in the face and tell myself to wake the fuck up.

You tried to do that, but I guess the only way I could learn was the hard way. Hear it from the girl herself. I appreciate you trying but I guess that’s what it took — the feeling of betrayal and deception and basically like my entire reality shattered on the floor. Because it really did, and I’m glad for it.

In reality it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Just over the past few days a whole bunch of emotional BS came up that’s been plaguing me my whole life. I do think that being abused has a lot to do with it. Neediness, obsession and weakness, as you said, aren’t “love” — you’re exactly right. Now that I have no one to project any fantasies onto I can finally take ownership of all that stuff. No one’s going to take it away from me and now I’m actually seeing the actual need to operate from self-interest and to be in charge of my own life for myself.

In a significant way I feel like I just got the monkey off my back. It was painful as hell to be rejected and especially to see the aftermath of how she really doesn’t give a single flying fuck about me, especially after knowing her for all these years (around 10, which is embarrassing to admit), but it’s probably the biggest wakeup call I’ve had in my life.

As far as any calamities that’ll happen, I’ve been suspecting the same thing for a while. There’s a lot of serious stuff going on.

Best thing we can do is chill out, as you said. The real white picket fence fantasy is actualized in one thing and one thing alone: peace of mind. We are the only people that can give that gift to ourselves. Although I will say that the male friends I’ve made in my life have been extremely supportive and loyal. I have at least a couple best friends. I also recently got a puppy, and that helps too. Someone to actually appreciate my nurturing and support and provision.

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster but I feel so much better after that and really seeing how much I was fucking up my own life. It stung like a bitch, but it’s been such a short time and my spirits are already coming back up. Phoenix from the ashes. The ashes are really just my own delusions that got destroyed when I saw my one-itis for the person she really was. Which was not attractive at all. Now I know what you meant by me having my head a mile up my ass — I just needed to hear it from the girl I was projecting all that stuff onto. That did the trick.

I have a feeling that I might even get a good night’s sleep tonight for the first time in months. I’ve got a lot of thinking and a lot of work to do — I’m transforming slowly into living out of self-interest. What kind of service would I like to provide to people? What are my real talents? What do I want to do with them? What kind of fun do I want to have? Forget other people — what do I really want, and what feels right to me?

Thanks for having patience with me by the way. I appreciate it. There’s a lesson in that too: who has your back when shit hits the fan? Who’s going to be there even after you flip out and show some ugly sides of yourself?

The answer: other guys that have either been through the same stuff, are your friend, or both. And dogs.

For now I’m just going to take some Benadryl and pass out. There’s a storm going on and I’m just going to listen to that. I’ve got a lot of processing to do. Thanks again for the support and for sharing your own experiences, it’s helped a lot.

http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/canada/archives/2014/07/20140703-071434.html