1. The gradually developed insight that my emotional and relationship strategy needs a change, since it has not generated the type of committed and close relationship I want so far (7+ years). My physical appearance is rather secondary, as long as I take good care of my body. I know that there will always be men who are physically attractive *enough* for me, also of equal “status” as myself, who would want a good night in bed and maybe spend the rest of their lives with me. But obviously that won’t happen unless I let it happen. Another important thing I learnt over the years is that attraction is not only plain physical and mental attraction, but also sexual compatibility which sometimes pops up where you didn’t expect it to. ;-)

2. If I want kids, I’d better start thinking about it soon. :-)

However, these graphs seem exaggerated in a way that kind of bothers me. Maybe it’s the fact that they do not show exactly what is specified – an absolute measure of a woman’s physical attractiveness (as if a number of guys had looked at pictures of women of different ages and measured each one of them on a scale from let’s say 0 to 100), but rather a measure of how many men would (in their imagination) rather date a 23-yearold rather than a 35 yearold. The difference is subtle, but it does exist.

For example, there may be other reasons for dating a 20-year old than a 30-year old. The former are generally perceived as easier targets for quick satisfaction (in popular culture) and make their elder lovers (alphas?) feel young, which may in itself be a sexual trigger rather than their actual physical appearance. So the reason for their high SMV may be that they are regarded girlfriend material by their peers, and easy punani by the elder guys (who have absolutely no intention of marrying them, instead they avoid any risk of a relationship by picking someone on the same level as themselves). Whereas women in their 30’s may not be so interesting to the so called alphas who run for young cuties, but still interesting those of their peers who genuinely wish to settle for a family themselves. In my experience, young men are seldom ready to do that before approaching 30, themselves.

In fact, from my experience of guys – I seriously can’t imagine that any of my male peers would be deeply physically attracted to a 25 yearold and not to her 35-yearold correspondence. Rather on the contrary since elder girls are generally more experienced and interested in sex (when I was 22, I was really interested in this guy of 28 and hit on him, until this other girl snatched him in front of my eyes. She was 32, and frankly not even as goodlooking as I was. I’m not bitter at all. ;-)) It works the same way for me as a woman – if I wanted sex with a 38 yearold, I probably would have wanted sex with him when he was 28 too.

http://therationalmale.com/2012/12/19/the-epiphany-phase/

http://therationalmale.com/2014/03/26/preventative-medicine-part-ii/

With time, I slowly and not painlessly learnt a lot of new lessons about myself and communication. I think this goes for both men and women, and a lot of things happen with people between the age of 25 and 35, mostly on the inside. You develop more self confidence, a clearer direction in life, a better ability to listen, take in, take care of and see other people. Most importantly, I learnt that a good, loving relationship doesn’t just happen, or come to you automatically. It more often than not, requires a lot of work regardless of whether you are 22 or 52. The surface bothers me less. Men are turning their heads and looking at me, in a way that I didn’t even notice at 22, and I do realize that it’s something that will eventually end (sadly ;-)). However, there are no signs of such a thing happening yet, rather the opposite. But the important thing for me is finding my mate, with whom I can live happily, and I think my chances of doing that has increased with my life experience and understanding of myself and other people. Gradually I have learnt what to look for, from my mistakes and previous relationships, to communicate instead of running away, and to recognize what qualities are truly important in a partner. Since I got myself an education and a wellpaid job (those things take time!), I’ll also be able live on equal financial terms with my future husband, in case I get married. If he temporarily loses his job I’ll be able to provide for the whole family, and vice versa (which means great financial security), and in the sad case of a divorce I would at least be able to provide for myself and our kids.