One of the most frustrating things I’ve had to deal with in this life is knowing men with incredible potential who, for whatever reason, never realize it (or as fully) because they deliberately limit themselves due to a Beta mindset . Whether it’s potential for success due to a particular talent, the potential of their socio-economic state and affluence, or simply dumb luck that put them into a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, their blue-pill ignorance or pride, or rule-bound duty to the feminine imperative thanks to their Beta frame of mind, hold them back from really benefitting from it.
God forbid you’d have to cooperate with a guy like this in a business or creative endeavor where your own livelihood might be attached to his inability to move past his Beta frame or his feminine conditioning. One of the benefits of becoming red pill aware is a heightened sensitivity to how the feminized world we live in is organized; and part of that sensitivity is becoming a better judge of Beta character and avoiding it, or at least insofar as minimizing another man’s liabilities as a Beta to how his malaise could affect you.
I used to work with a very rich man who owned a few of the brands I became involved with in my career. While he was wealthy and had a certain knack for developing some very creative and profitable products, the guy was a deplorable chump with regards to his personal and romantic life. He was very much a White Knight Beta bordering on martyrdom when it came to his wives and the women in his life, who were all too happy to capitalize on this very obvious flaw. At one point he was attempting to launch a new product for which he needed some financial backing, but simply couldn’t get it from investors because they weren’t convinced their part of his venture wouldn’t end up as part of his next divorce settlement since he was planning his 3rd marriage.
His self-righteous ‘love conquers all’ White Knight idealism chaffed at the suggestion he would need a pre-nuptial affidavit for anyone to even chance being involved with him professionally, but his proven Beta mindset was a liability to his realizing his full potential. His story is an exceptional illustration of this Beta limitation dynamic, but there are far more common examples with everyday men I know, and you probably do too. That limitation may not even be recognizable until such a time that it becomes an impediment to some future opportunity that opens up to you.
From Letting Go of Invisible Friends:
I can’t begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who’ve drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE. Men who’ve changed their majors in college, who’ve selected or switched universities, men who’ve applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who’ve renounced former religions and men who’ve moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they’ve played pseudo-boyfriend with over the course of an LDR; only to find that she wasn’t the person they thought she was and were depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives.
And again from Dream Killers:
It never ceases to amaze me when I talk with these young men in their teens and 20s and they try to impress me with their fierce independence in every other realm of their lives, yet they are the same guys who are so ready to limit that independence and ambition in exchange for dependable female intimacy. They’re far too eager to slap on the handcuffs of monogamy, rather than develop themselves into men of ambition and passion that women naturally want to be associated with.[…]
All of this is limited by a man’s attitude towards the opposite sex. Women are dream killers. Not because they have an agenda to be so, but because men will all too willingly sacrifice their ambitions for a steady supply of pussy and the responsibilities that women attach to this.
Social feminization and the Feminine Imperative both play an active role in curtailing a man’s potential, but more often than not it’s with a willing male participant. It’s important for red pill Men to remember that the Feminine Imperative is more concerned about women’s perpetuated long-term security than it will ever be about Men actualizing their true potential – even when it means his sacrificing that potential to sustain her security, and by doing so makes him progressively less able to sustain it.
Women who read my Appreciation essay and try to wrap their heads around my assertion that women will never appreciate the sacrifices men will readily make to ensure a feminine-primary reality never take this equation into account. They think I’m attacking the sincerity of their commitment by pointing out a less than flattering truth — hypergamy wants the security of knowing (or at least believing) that a woman is paired with the best man her SMV merits, but the fundamental problem is that her hypergamy conflicts with his capacity to develop himself to his best potential.
Turnkey Hypergamy
Hypergamy wants a pre-made Man. If you look at my now infamous comparative SMP curve, one thing you’ll notice is the peak SMV span between the sexes:
Good looking, professionally accomplished, socially matured, has Game, confidence, status, decisive and Just Gets It when it comes to women. Look at any of the commonalities of terms you see in any ‘would like to meet’ portion of a woman’s online dating profile and you’ll begin to understand that hypergamy wants optimization and it wants it now. Because a woman’s capacity to attract her hypergamous ideal decays with every passing year, her urgency demands immediacy with a Man embodying as close to that ideal as possible in the now.
Hypergamy takes a big risk in betting on a man’s future potential to become (or get close to being) her hypergamous ideal, so the preference leans toward seeking out the man who is more made than the next.
The problem with this scenario as you might guess is that women’s SMV depreciates as men’s appreciates — or at least should appreciate. As I outlined above, the same hypergamy that constantly tests and doubts the fitness of a man in seeking its security also limits his potential to consistently satisfy it.
Developing Potential
Just Four Guys (fast becoming my most lurked blog) had an interesting article on Quantifying Sexual Market Value:
Rollo Tomassi at Rational Male has a differing graph of SMV based on his personal estimation. While his evaluation of female SMV with age matches both these graphs quite closely, the same cannot be said of male SMV. However, the difference is that he is measuring potential SMV, rather than actual SMV, and he believes that older men who maintain a proper lifestyle can maximise their SMV to far higher levels than younger men can.
By age 36 the average man has reached his own relative SMV apex. It’s at this phase that his sexual / social / professional appeal has reached maturity. Assuming he’s maximized as much of his potential as possible, it’s at this stage that women’s hypergamous directives will find him the most acceptable for her long-term investment. He’s young enough to retain his physique in better part, but old enough to have attained social and professional maturity.
Thus, what we’re seeing here is the SMV that is actualized by the average male, whereas Rollo’s SMV is what a man could theoretically achieve with good inner game.
One misinterpretation I diligently tried to avoid in estimating men’s relative SMV is in using sex (or the capacity to attract potential sex partners) as an exclusive metric for evaluating men’s overall SMV. Notch count in and of itself is not the benchmark for SMV, rather it is a Man’s actualization of his real potential (of which notch count is an aspect) that determines his SMV. Hypergamy wants you to fulfill your best potential (the better to filter you), but it doesn’t want to assume the risk of protracted personal investment that your fulfilled potential will eventually place your SMV so far above her own that you leave her and her investment is lost.
This then is the conflict between male potential and feminine hypergamy. I detailed this in The Threat:
Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value to women.
On the blue pill reddit forum I recently read a criticism of my SMP graph, dismissing it by stating that an early to mid-thirties guy was far more likely to look like your average schlub, with an average low wage job than some mature, successful guy, who’s kept himself in shape and maintains some GQ lifestyle. I have to say I’m inclined to agree; most men, average men are men who haven’t realized the potential they could. Whether this lack is due to motivation, the limitations of a feminine socialization, or an inability to come to terms with their blue-pill reality, they never actualize the potential that would make them higher SMV men. The blue pill redditors can’t see that it’s Men’s potential that sets them apart on the SMV scale.
I’ll finish this with a quote from New Yorker in last week’s comment thread:
I think that the primary lesson of Game is that one needs to have a life and purpose that makes a man happy and determined to wake up every morning. Once a man takes control of his life, then a woman becomes an interchangeable part of it like anything else. The road to that state only lies through relentless self-improvement and the shedding of prior limitations. Otherwise, the same brutal cycle repeats itself.
September 25th, 2013 at 5:11 am
“Behind every successful man is a woman.”
Finally, we can put that misconception to rest. The truth is that he was “caught” when his SMV was at an optimum.
Thanks, Rollo.
September 25th, 2013 at 5:41 am
[…] to VH for compiling and sharing this google […]
September 25th, 2013 at 7:55 am
It’s also important to remember that some of our most deeply held beliefs simply have to be take on faith.
Ask Matt King about that.
After all, no one can scientifically prove the existence of a supernatural being who created the earth and the heavens. Yet Matt bases his entire belief system on the notion that such a being DOES exist.
Nonetheless he still swaggers onto this site and mocks Rollo and the commentariat for believing in “Game” and the Red Pill et al. He treats those beliefs as childish because there is not — in Matt’s mind, anyway — enough verifiable, scientific evidence to back them up.
I’ll leave it to you, Mr. Carlson, to decide whether any scientific methodology is more likely to prove (a) the existence of a supernatural being who watches over us, or (b) the arguments advanced on this site.
September 25th, 2013 at 10:19 am
I repeat my question to Chris and restate it for anyone/everyone.
If you were to go and collect field data for the expressed purpose of proving or disproving red-pill/game theory, what form would that data take? All encounters are open to subjective interpretation and no variables can possibly be controlled.
I submit it is impossible to gather hard data on such a subject.
September 25th, 2013 at 10:56 am
I tend to think that nothing is certain, but predictions can be made based on patterns. As I get older, I find that many things we are asked to accept on faith, I have experienced to be true. So, ultimately, “faith” comes from experience: that of those who came before us. In my mind, its a self-generating loop. A wise person tells a younger person to accept their wisdom based on faith. If they can live a good life by adhering to that wisdom, they pass their faith on and outside experience never enters the picture. They can learn through success instead of failure. If they have to have certain “experiences” to understand the “faith,” the end result is still passed on to be taken as faith.
September 25th, 2013 at 11:21 am
Thanks for doing all that work xsplat. Like I said, the “science” is there if you want to run it down. I may reference individual studies on a by topic basis (such as Martie Hasselton’s research) such as my post on Menstruation:
http://therationalmale.com/2012/09/25/your-friend-menstruation/
But for most people those studies are just ancillary points to the dots I’m connecting from that data. Menstruation is a fact, women’s propensity to search out Alpha seed in a woman’s proliferative phase in favor of comfortable Beta providership and security during her down phase is a fact, what I propose men do about those facts might be a work in conjecture, but it is informed conjecture.
September 25th, 2013 at 11:56 am
why are all you guys dissing chris? he’s the world’s foremost pickup scientist.
September 25th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
You mistakenly credited me with compiling and organizing that list of research papers Rollo. Your commenter VH is the hero. 10 internet points from me for that. I reblogged it without his permission – hope he doesn’t mind. Great work.
September 25th, 2013 at 10:04 pm
[…] The Curse of Potential […]
September 26th, 2013 at 8:58 am
Hi Rollo,
Your blog is great!
I have a question for you. You are the perfect person to answer it. I believe that it deals with a red pill question that I have not seen addressed anywhere in the manosphere. It will be great fodder for future posts. I’d love to do a quick consult with you, via email or phone. I’d be happy to compensate you. Please message me at freereel@zoho.com. Thank you!
September 28th, 2013 at 2:14 pm
This is a great and very important column. I have stories, lots of them, of my bright, intelligent friends sacrificing their entire lives for women, many who took them to the cleaners in divorce settlements, others who moved to places they didn’t want to go, and others settling into a life of misery with the woman. It’s rather mind-boggling.
This is a great quote from the article, one which men should adhere to — but most don’t:
************************************
It’s important for red pill Men to remember that the Feminine Imperative is more concerned about women’s perpetuated long-term security than it will ever be about Men actualizing their true potential – even when it means his sacrificing that potential to sustain her security, and by doing so makes him progressively less able to sustain it.
*********************************************************
Thanks again, Rollo, wise words.
September 29th, 2013 at 11:50 am
@ chris carleton
I have been handling divorces (as a lawyer) for a couple of years in the past and I can honestly confirm that most of what rollo – as the analytical guy to the core, writes is cold, hard…..truth, observable in dealings with women for centuries. That is the reason of why this knowledge resonates among mature men. And that is precisely the reason of why christians and women as the biggest enemies of truth, do not agree with it.
To your objections I can say just the following “truth is always seen, rarely written”.
September 29th, 2013 at 5:40 pm
This all makes perfect sense, however, how does one live with this knowledge? As someone to whom this sort of thing does not come naturally, it sounds like I have to spend my life in constant mistrust of women.
September 30th, 2013 at 12:47 am
I don’t think that the question is one of trust or mistrust. Socialization makes a huge difference between different women. However, one must always remember that a woman’s love is not the same as your parents, siblings or close male friends. It is conditional and you should never delude yourself into thinking that it is anything more than that.
September 30th, 2013 at 12:55 am
What I meant to add is that a woman’s base mentality is that of a dependent. For her to love you, she needs to feel that you are stronger than her and can protect her. Hence, a healthy romantic relationship between a man and a woman can never be that of equals. A woman can be a great, helpful and supportive partner but the imbalance of power always has to be maintained.
September 30th, 2013 at 6:32 am
***BREAKING NEWS***
RainCloudMary, local slut-slayer, has just revealed that she has…wait for it!…JUST HAD SEX!!! World response has so far been resoundingly enthusiastic. Church bells rang as the elderly began pouring back into shops and men were once again free to “sit too close” without impunity. Explaining that having sex has made her feel better, one wonders what revelations Mary may encounter next! Fire has many uses? The life of an incel is tough, but others still expect them to be pleasant? One can only wait..and pray :)
September 30th, 2013 at 10:34 am
Lmao
September 30th, 2013 at 11:48 am
(Additional reports are now confirming that strangers are embracing in the streets, rejoicing that this precipitate “Rain of Terror” has ended and the sun may yet shine through.)
September 30th, 2013 at 3:26 pm
This was an interesting thread until men started to cat fight each other.
Men should not get married, period. It’s the only way to bring this situation back into some semblance of balance. One generation of this refusal will change the game. I didn’t marry three successive long term girlfriends back in the 1970’s. All three moved on to marry some other guy who they are now divorced from.
I waited, married a pretty neat gal who I have been with for almost 33 years. We had a really neat son who is now grown and living on his own.
But even our marriage has changed particularly in the last several years. Both of us are independent types and we may or may not stay together in our so called golden years.
I would never get remarried.
Ever.
And even though I am in my 60’s getting laid through oneitis is not more important than my being able to do the things I enjoy. The game changes as you age but it is still the game.
October 9th, 2013 at 11:22 am
“On the blue pill reddit forum I recently read a criticism of my SMP graph, dismissing it by stating that an early to mid-thirties guy was far more likely to look like your average schlub, with an average low wage job than some mature, successful guy, who’s kept himself in shape and maintains some GQ lifestyle. I have to say I’m inclined to agree; most men, average men are men who haven’t realized the potential they could. Whether this lack is due to motivation, the limitations of a feminine socialization, or an inability to come to terms with their blue-pill reality, they never actualize the potential that would make them higher SMV men. The blue pill redditors can’t see that it’s Men’s potential that sets them apart on the SMV scale.”
This really is the most delusional cack I’ve ever read in my entire life (and, God knows, there’s plenty of it out there).
“Average men are men who haven’t realised the potential they could”. Right, well there are two-billion people in the world who live off $2 per day or less. Are they just not trying hard enough?
If you want to look closer to home, there are 50 million Americans in receipt of food stamps.
It is an absolutist feature of the existing economic system and paradigm to create winners and losers, and a lot more losers than winners. There is only so much room near the top of the mountain, and you cannot get there by sheer desire and hard work alone. If everyone possessed these qualities, you would still have exactly the same number of winners and losers, trust me.
To suggest that feminine socialisation is the dominant socio-cultural influence in our society is not accurate. The dominant social-cultural influence is consumerism, which is driven by corporations. These corporations have simply recognised that if you get women on board with what they want then the men will naturally follow. That’s why you’re trying to live up to the so-called “GQ lifestyle” in order to show that you’re a high status person.
In any kind of healthy society, the sort of basic peer bonding and loyalty – that you imply here is some sort of curse – would be considered natural and desirable. Instead, what is considered healthy and desirable is to want to sleep around all over the place in order to demonstrate to women that you have high social status, so that you can live up to an image that was put there by advertising, so that you can sleep with even more women, in order largely to fill desires that are also put there by our increasingly sexualised society (ie. advertising again).
If you call that being liberated, or “taking the red pill”, guess again. You would struggle to give a better example of conformist behaviour.
October 9th, 2013 at 11:50 am
Chris, you’re making the mistake of assuming that potential has a definitive, western slant in its context. A man’s potential exists within a given social and/or environmental context.
I’m not talking about some Ayn Rand capitalist excuse for unrealized potential, I’m talking about potential within context. Bear in mind it was the bluepill redditors who used the westernized GQ example as a goal-state, not me.
A guy with downs syndrome has potential within his own context. The men living on less than $2 per day have potential within their own context. I won’t deny there aren’t social, political and economic limitations on that context, and anyone claiming luck doesn’t have something to do with success is selling you something, but this is the context within which that potential can be achieved by degree.
I’m not a neuroscientist, so it would be foolish for me to compare my personal potential to someone who is. However, in the context of who I am, what I am capable of, what my talents are, where I live and the conditions I live in, and what my determination is, that is the context in which I have to evaluate myself and others in similar conditions.
October 16th, 2013 at 1:40 am
So I realize I’m necroing this thread, but I had to ask…with regards to the SMV graph–are you saying a 40 year old guy is gonna have an easier time picking up a 22 year old girl (at her SMV peak) at a bar than, say, a 27 year old? I dunno if I’m reading it correctly, but it appears to show a man of 40 as having almost twice the SMV as a man of 27, which doesn’t sound right to me. Almost all the hot young chicks I know are with other, young (maybe couple years older) douchebags, not forty year olds (or even 38 or 35 year olds). I mean, unless you’re Leonardo DiCaprio or something…obviously there are exceptions, but–even outside my circle friends, when I go to the beach, the movies, bars, etc. I don’t see a lot of young girls with way older guys, as your graph would suggest. Advising us to wait till we’re in our late thirties to settle down, and promising we’ll land 22 year olds if we keep up our Game, seems like bad advice–not to mention, you’re giving a lot of single dudes in their 20s false hope–like, hey, can’t pick up a girl at 29? Just wait till you’re 40! They’re gonna be all over that. Girls definitely hit the wall harder, and sooner, than guys, but if men really peaked at the age you say, then–again–most, or at least a sizable minority, of the hottest, youngest chicks would be with them, and they’re not.
October 16th, 2013 at 1:42 pm
@SaladDays Rollo is correct.
October 16th, 2013 at 11:53 pm
I noticed another bloke was asking for data to back up Rollo’s SMV graph assertions–I’m not. Forget the data. I’m wondering about the supposed preponderance of anecdotal evidence that other posters are pointing to.
If SMV is indicative of one’s ability to attract the most desirable members of the opposite sex, then presumably those in the upper echelons of SMV would want to pair with other, equally sexy mates–and, according to the graph, we infer that the hottest 23-year old girls will generally hook up with 38-year old men.
And, as much as I would like that to be true, 27 years of experience tells me otherwise. Girls that age don’t tend to date men that old (there are exceptions– they have father issues, or the guy is really wealthy & some girls dig that, though they’re certainly not my type).
October 20th, 2013 at 7:06 pm
[…] This was from a couple of comments he made on the Curse of Potential: […]
April 8th, 2014 at 12:10 am
[…] From The Curse of Potential: […]
September 10th, 2014 at 12:18 am
[…] The Curse of Potential […]
October 13th, 2014 at 12:10 am
[…] reason I placed men’s peak SMV in his mid to late thirties is because, if he’s made the most of his potential, this is when he is most likely to have established himself in his status, affluence and […]
November 22nd, 2014 at 3:05 pm
[…] The Rational Male created this illustration of sexual market value: […]
January 25th, 2015 at 2:16 am
God had to suffer. Therefore, so do you/I/we.
But there is away of avoiding pointlessness.
Know the truth. Suffer with Him. with your brothers. “Another day in Paradise. ” Sheeeit.
But. Heaven is better.