“Are you the type that make all your new boyfriends sit there while you go through all your old scrapbooks and explain every fucking memory in every fucking picture in every fucking scrapbook?” No.

1) Something is rewarding to the extent that it reduces a state of deficit/deprivation and addresses a need. However, if the reward completely satisfies the need, there is no further motivation for the person to comply. In this case, the girl was deprived of and “needed” attention. The guy’s reply completely satisfied her attention need. Therefore, it left her no motivation to continue the behavior. That is also why dog trainers reward with small treats…not full meals! Dogs stop begging and rolling over for more when they are full.

2) Something is rewarding to the extent that it increases that person’s behavior. What a person actually finds “rewarding”, which increases that behavior, however, changes for different people and at different times. Therefore, it is important to understand what the girl actually finds pleasurable and rewarding in that moment, rather than just going with a general assumption. In this case, as Rollo suggests, the girl was finding the tension, uncertainty, and flirting rewarding. To properly reward her, in a manner she found appealing, would have been to “agree and amplify” continuing the feelings she was enjoying. Instead, the guy used the wrong (generic) reward for that girl/moment, reduced her good feelings – which actually punished the behavior. That is also why dog trainers use treats, water, toys, praise, etc., depending on what motivates the dog to perform in that moment.

Put these two pieces together and we come up with a formula for many of the suggested responses above… They are giving her just a little taste of reward (so she is still “hungry” for more). They are also rewarding in a way that she personally finds pleasurable in that moment (by extending the uncertainty and flirting vibe she is enjoying). Therefore, the correct understanding and use of behavior modification is another way to get to the same end goal…effective game. It is also fun for those who like to know the theory behind these techniques (along with enjoying the results).

P.S. Is 35+ pages of yourself normal for most females? Are you the type that make all your new boyfriends sit there while you go through all your old scrapbooks and explain every fucking memory in every fucking picture in every fucking scrapbook?