That’s not to say I wasn’t a nearly perfect blue-pill beta before I came here… ooh, I was. But there were certain things about blue pill world that just straight out struck me wrong, like how the developed world gets in such a huge goddamn tizzy about breast cancer, even though men die nearly 8 years earlier on average. Shit like that just never made sense to me.

You being stronger than her is not a mother-son relationship. I’d still take that if that’s all you can have.

In my case I just walked away.

That circuit gets printed before we learn to talk = before we are able to form abstract and concepts. It’s a basic four piece, emotional / behavioral circuit.

There are many ways that circuit can be imprinted “wrong”. One is to have the mom (or dads) on the receiving end, making the kid the giver. Other is having him owning the frame. Other is to have the mom (or dads) respond only when the kid acts out. Other is making the kid act out and then silence him / punish him for it. Etc. Shortly, the kid understands the game and starts to play it.

Yohami hits on something that has much broader implications for mother-son relations.

For instance… My mother has never gotten over the abuse she received from her father. When I was very young, she was not an emotional adult yet. As a result, she needed her children to fill the hole she had not yet dealt with. She needed her children to make her feel loved because she had never learned to accept it from her parents properly. At some level, when I was very young, I perceived this to be wrong. At the time I had no clarity of thought on this subject, it’s taken decades to figure all this out. All I knew as a child what that I did not like something, and my reaction to my mothers insistence on showing her affection for her own sake struck me wrong enough that I refused her once.

Her response to my refusal was the most destructive thing she could have done to a man. She began a pattern of shaming me for being the child that “doesn’t hug”. This actually just made me angrier, though again I was just too young and too full of pure ignorance to understand my own feelings. This pattern continued until adulthood, and was carried out in front of the entire family relatively often.

So instead of simply giving, instead of simply providing affection to me which was her most singularly important job in life as a mother… she was letting her female tools of emotional manipulation destroy one of her sons (I’m 1 of 5). She didn’t realize what she was doing. She was using a terrible weapon of female social manipulation on her child, because of her own inability to deal with her father’s abuse.

The buffer behaviors that came from attempting to protect myself from the shaming my mother subjected me to, in the attempt to get from me what she did not get from her father are still with me today. I doubt I’ll entirely get over them.

I’m sure there’s millions of men like me, men whose mothers, because they fail to acknowledge their own power to emotionally manipulate, abuse those powers on their sons in childhood and through adulthood. The social conventions that convince women they are somehow weak and incapable of doing harm are the most evil things in humanity.