I have always been a give all type of man. Kind hearted, passionate, giving of myself first, going the extra extra mile for the one I Love… With my children it’s a no brainer but my relationships have been a living nightmare. And OMG the expectations I had for relationships where @@#$&#^”d up. I truly believed in the win/win scenario for LTR. I have sacrificed my passions, talents, monies, health and my years for a Concept?? How messed up is that? Everything I have read here pertaining to how women view Love is 100% Correct and based on my experiences to boot. To know that I “Missed it” all this time is not inly depressing but the more I read the more my heart sank into my stomach. I literally became sick with the realization that I cannot believe I waited this long to really look for answers on the subject.

FYI I am a 43 year old male, divorced twice and remarried again. My prior 2 marriages (ended by me) were wrought with selfishness, deceit, dishonesty, vanity, narcissistic behavior and in the end infidelity and greed. I have recognized that I was open to this happening because of my giving nature and the expectations I had for reciprocation. One thing I have learned about women (and I’m sure can apply to men as well) is that “in the beginning how they represent themselves is NOT who they are” when faced with the necessity of finding a suitable man. Of course there are many factors in my previous statement that qualify the comment.

I AM NOT SPEAKING FOR ALL WOMEN HERE… With that said please read on :)

Women are looking for equality, status, support, and security first (more so single mothers) and then intimacy with the exception of the one night stand or FWB scenario and even then if the man and mood strikes her right she may switch on the love electricity. Attraction, usually being the first qualifier for both sexes yet for different reasons, is just the beginning. Romance and Love for women are only a prerequisite during courtship and later discarded as a non necessity to keeping a relationship solvent. I have experienced this in my past marriages and am currently experiencing it in my current marriage. They (women) behave in such a manner that leads a man to believe they are what they appear—-“what he is looking for”— if he suits her. I have yet to meet (date) a woman who, after getting to know her through time, genuinely presented herself (like and dislikes, formidable opinions etc) in a true fashion. All of them gave me what they intuitively knew I was looking for on top of what I communicated verbally I was looking for.

I am not discounting the possibility of emotional reflection (mirroring) or self imposition of a mans wants onto a potential mate. In fact this happens a vast majority of the time with both sexes. The problem is that women are so damned intuitive and they know (I would even argue to say its biologically ingrained) that men are running on their hormones during this time. If the need is strong enough to find someone she becomes what he wants for a while. A courtship if you will. Women will do things (even things they SECRETLY DO NOT ENJOY) to keep the interest of the man they want as long as it takes to get them committed. Unfortunately the vast majority of us men do not have the mental fortitude (Horse sense), experience and many times Patience to stick it out long enough to see a person for who they are.

I will leave you with this——– After reading this blog I felt a sigh of relief that I had been searching for years to attain——“UNDERSTANDING”…

I render it to something as simple as this: if you don’t understand what constitutes happiness FOR YOURSELF, there is no way you will be able to participate in or derive “love” while in a relationship; in other words, happiness comes from within. I’d even parse it further: it’s the ability to find SATISFACTION in human interactions that leads to the security of self-confidence and esteem that moves a human being into a higher plane of consciousness. Psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote extensively about this in his discussion of a hierarchy, a progression of needs that moves the human animal from that of survival behavior alone to that of deeply profound conceptual pursuits that free mankind from the binds of groveling and competing, and moves us into transcendence.

While I believe some women have managed to move into a transcendental framework, clearly the enormous majority is stuck in survival-need to be respected-need to feel a part of something existence.

Buck up, please, and get over yourselves. I’ve read many interesting comments from you fellas regarding your love of the “feeling” she gave you or “herself,” how disillusioned you are to find her love imperfect, how far you crash to the earth. Are you still in love with these women? Still? Just as much? No?

So there are at least these basic conditions to your love. You loved her as long as you believed she loved you unconditionally. Regardless of your flaws or her flaws. Did you love her flaws? If you say yes you are lying to yourself.

I mean the little things that disappointed or irritated you when your relationship was even at its best. You loved her, but not her flaws. Somehow you expected something greater from her. You expected her to love you and your flaws. To love you for them, even.

Humans do not love that way. We were not built for it.

We were build with an evolutionary imperative to survive. Biologically we do not seek out weak mates. Men and women BOTH seek out mates that they admire, that they want on their team, that they trust enough to build a home with. If all of the traits you admire in her (they don’t have to be physical) went out the door you would not still love her. She would have changed from the person you promised to love forever into someone unrecognizable. The same with women.

Love and lasting relationships take HARD WORK, on both sides. If one person gives up, it can be nearly impossible for the other person to find the motivation to keep striving. From the rancor I’ve read under this article, I’m guessing some guys found themselves in this situation. I’m not saying “not all women” and I’m not saying “not all men.”

I’m saying get over yourself because you are an imperfect human being incapable of loving or being loved perfectly.

Trying to love or giving up on love is everyone’s choice, but for God’s sake stop whining about it ya pansy. Long-term love is TOUGH. It takes mental and moral fortitude to make long term relationships work. I’m sorry you didn’t find it in your partner. Blaming just one gender for a human condition, and giving up on love altogether simply lets the rest of us know that you aren’t tough enough to hack love either.

So, yes, stand aside. Let stronger men than you step forward into the breach. Many will be hurt, some will be betrayed, but some will find that love worth striving for.

Yet, the feminist imperative has taught women (over decades) that men are all the same, right? Give me a break. I know some of this stuff (red pill) is hard for men to swallow and come to grips with – after being fed a lifetime of what I consider ‘lies’. But, listening to women (and watching the hamster spin) is too entertaining.

Just wondering…. does this fit in the mode of what I am hearing on this post?
I don’t feel at all like the woman who are talked about here.