I don’t usually cite Athol Kay on Rational Male, but I have to give him props for his recent How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP. There’s a lot going on in this post, and as per usual Athol approaches all of his observations from a married perspective constrained by a limited single-life experience, but a few fundamental points of Game really shine here. To be sure, relationship Game (or married Game) varies widely in application compared to the Game used in single-man-sex-life, but the foundational principles are essentially the same – as are the pitfalls – only the risks are higher and the rewards negligible by comparison.
I’ve stated this before, but, having experienced the ups and downs of single-man-sex-life as well as married-man-sex-life, I can honestly say that I’ve never found Game more necessary than when it’s within the context of marriage. I’ve also written volumes about the all-risk proposition of marriage for men, and women’s utter inability to appreciate the all-risk sacrifices men assume in committing to marriage. So it should be obvious that under such conditions if a man chooses to entertain a lifestyle of marriage the only acceptable condition is that it be within his frame and his terms. And this, gentlemen, requires not only a commitment to Game itself, but an understanding of, and an internalization of a much tighter Game than would be necessary in single-man-sex-life.
Higher risks mean less margin for error
In your single-man-sex-life Game, you have the leisure to Spin Plates, drop the ones which don’t produce dividends, and non-exclusively enjoy the ones who do. Though it may pain you to lose a particular girl as the result of fumbled Game, or to miss the opportunity of experiencing a woman due to a failed approach or consolidation, it pales in comparison to the risks inherent in lacking the long-term Game necessary to contend with women’s hypergamy in the context of marriage. Dumping a girl (or getting dumped) when single may be an emotional ordeal for some guys, but the decay of a marriage and the financial, familial and emotional consequences for lacking Game in marriage is a punishment that will make a single man’s break up tears seem like a blessing. Tight relationship Game means much more than just getting your wife to fuck you more regularly after the honeymoon.
A lot of men will respond that marriage is just not worth all that contextualization of Game, and they’d be right. It’s all risk with negligible reward / appreciation and the liabilities are too steep. Furthermore, there’s a contingent of men who’ll say that it’s impossible to perpetuate the solid Game necessary to assuage female hypergamy indefinitely, and they’d be right too, if Game was a constant act for them that they felt they had to keep up forever. Some guys get mad at just the suggestion that they’d need to Game their potential wives. “She should just love me for who I am!” They expect to be able to drop the Game, relax and be who they are, only to have their wives progressively convert them into an imagined ideal which really isn’t the guy who tingles their vaginas. Then they find out that their wives loved them for who they were.
Crossover
One of the points that jumped out at me from Athol’s post:
When the lines of communication are broken between you and your wife, you aren’t going to get a message that the lines of communication are broken. That’s what the lines of communication being broken means. When she checks out of the marriage, she doesn’t tell you because she checked out of the marriage. That’s what being checked out of the marriage means.
I usually have to control my laughter whenever I overhear an AFC in the crab barrel parrot back the Matrix-speak about how “good relationships are all about communication with your GF/wife.” When this is coming from a single guy I can at least partially excuse him for lack of any practicable experience, but when it comes from a married Plug-In it’s just evidence of the totality of his conditioning. Most guys who tell you this are repeating what their girl-friends always told them was the most important key to a good relationship, but as with everything femme there’s always a latent purpose underneath the veneer of aphoristic truth they sell themselves.
A few months back I was at a liquor event with my usual ‘pour girls’ and during our conversations one tells me about her ‘guy problems’ with a “clingy boyfriend” obviously on the down end of an SMV imbalance.
“It’s so frustrating Rollo, why can’t guy’s just get it?”
With a practiced, but cute, little wrinkle of her nose, and the huff of her $5K tits, my girl had just indirectly revealed one of the most vexing complexities of intergender communication – women want men to “just get it.”
Just Get It
From Female Dating Advice:
The guy with the capacity to call a woman’s bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the Man to be competed for. Essentially the ‘chick speak’, ‘chick advice’ phenomenon is a shit test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to ‘get it’; to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is, without overtly telling you.
She want’s you to ‘get it’ on your own, without having to be told how. That initiative and the experience needed to have had developed it makes you a Man worth competing for. Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant. Overtly relating this to a guy entirely defeats his credibility as a genuinely dominant male. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s ‘the way he is’ instead of who she had to tell him to be.
Observing the process will change it. This is the root function of every shit test ever devised by a woman. If masculinity has to be explained to a man, he’s not the man for her.
In my Pour Girl’s example we see this ‘get it’ paradox from the single-man-sex-life perspective, and in Athol’s scenario we see it from the married-man (or LTR) -sex-life perspective. Many men will complain that they hate the presumption that they need to be a mind reader and ideally women ought to just communicate overtly and directly – just as a reason-based man would communicate. The problem is that in doing so it changes the dynamic for hypergamy. As I’ve stated so often, women say they want the truth, but they never want full disclosure. Hypergamy will not be pandered to, and will not be negotiated with.
This is why the “communication is everything” meme has been responsible for the demise of more relationships than anyone will ever admit. It’s not that you communicate, it’s what you’re communicating and how you communicate it. I’ve counseled more men than I care to recount who’ve sobbed from the depths of their souls, “IF SHE’D JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HER LOVE ME I’D DO IT!” not realizing that their very verbalization of that and a belief in open, rational communication is the very thing that’s killing (or killed) their woman’s desire for him.
As I’ve written a thousand times, a cardinal truth of the universe is that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. The moment you tell your wife, your girlfriend, that you will exchange a behavior or attitude or belief or any other compromise for her desire you fundamentally change her organic desire into obligation. What she wants, what her hypergamy wants confirmation of, can never be explicated, it can only be demonstrated. If her desire is for you to be more dominant, her telling you to be so negates the genuineness and the validity of your becoming so. Again, observing a process will change it – on a limbic level of consciousness her innate hypergamy is aware of that truth.
She wants a man who knows he needs to be dominant with her, that is the confirmation of hypergamy.
February 17th, 2014 at 2:19 pm
[…] give a man she’s involved with an honest assessment of his value to her. This is part of him Just Getting It and the unspoken understanding that he does get it, and on some level does understand what his […]
March 19th, 2014 at 12:28 am
[…] has taken on the role of defending the guys out there who for whatever reason just don’t get it. When a man finally wakes up and actually does get it, he’s likely from women and […]
April 13th, 2014 at 7:52 pm
[…] a long term (feminine defined) love and affinity for the man she’s paired with, who finally Just Gets It. Other considerations factor in as well; it’s entirely possible his SMV peak will endure […]
April 22nd, 2014 at 12:02 am
[…] I just don’t get it. […]
April 28th, 2014 at 11:28 pm
[…] if these men could “Just Get It” and leverage that understanding not only to improve their own lives, but also the lives of other […]
May 4th, 2014 at 5:52 pm
[…] Artículo de Rollo Tomassi, The Rational Male […]
May 5th, 2014 at 7:01 am
[…] is the outgrowth and the logical conclusion of the “just get it” movement – to wit, “women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant.” Or […]
June 22nd, 2014 at 1:13 pm
[…] man working hard for “it”. Its simultaneous reality and the game driving in one lane. Yes, I know you want sex and, I may want sex too but, lets still play the game without me telling y…. And no, this is not me bashing on women or trying add more attention to […]
July 1st, 2014 at 8:45 pm
[…] she wanted him to do the dishes, it was the fact that she had to tell him how to play the game and just get it. The fight continued on and on with him stating logic to her. All of this went out the window as […]
July 9th, 2014 at 9:56 am
[…] freshman year, I had gained my “footing” with talking to women, so I was already starting to “get it.” Of course, it didn’t hurt that I was 6’3”, 195 lbs, and an avid basketball player. Although […]
July 9th, 2014 at 12:10 pm
[…] “Mad Men”, Don’s wife wants the building to be blown up and be taken by Don. She just doesn’t want to tell him that is what she wants. Don soon figures it out and has rough sex with her on the carpet. It was something different […]
July 23rd, 2014 at 11:50 pm
[…] by their emotion-based hindbrains, it’s that if you’re asking her how to be more attractive you don’t Get It. It’s in the doing, not the […]
July 25th, 2014 at 7:51 pm
[…] in full gear in just a couple seconds. She keeps doing this until HE as a man gets it. You see, a woman just wants YOU to get it. She doesn’t want to tell a man on how to be dominant. It ruins the show for them. You then […]
July 30th, 2014 at 2:22 pm
[…] That was my Game up until I learned through trial and painful error that women loath a man who needs to be instructed on how to actually be more attractive to women. I didn’t understand that by my subscribing to this spoon-fed feminization Game and overtly advocating for it I was only advertising to the very girls I wanted that I Just Didn’t Get It. […]
August 7th, 2014 at 10:23 pm
[…] keep track of his wife’s sexual frequency!” The general anger is rooted in his ‘not getting‘ the social convention that sex (for consummate Beta providers) “tapers off after […]
August 10th, 2014 at 9:13 am
[…] Completely wasted evening, hearing some of my average coworkers out at a night of drinking, complaining about their wives (side note: Going to avoid these guys like the plague henceforth). I wish I could show them this missive from the desk of Rollo Tomassi. […]
September 1st, 2014 at 11:33 pm
[…] comes back to the Just Get It principle for women – any guy who needs to make a concerned effort to become what he expects […]
October 27th, 2014 at 1:42 pm
[…] you overextend yourself in getting past LMR, you risk sending the message that “you just don’t get it” with regard to how women need to be seduced, and how the men they do want to fuck […]
November 7th, 2014 at 7:17 pm
[…] a guy who Just Gets It, yet is so pathetically optionless he willingly chooses to participate in it, since to him the […]
December 4th, 2014 at 1:58 pm
[…] doing to improve yourself you lose an air of mystery. Women want to imagine a man that “just gets it”. If she sees the process behind the show it loses its mystique. Imagine seeing a magician […]
December 5th, 2014 at 12:33 am
[…] you think you have are all in on a meta-shit test – they want you, and their sons, to Just Get It in spite of what they mistakenly believe are in your best interests as a man. You must embrace an […]
December 7th, 2014 at 4:19 pm
[…] man working hard for “it”. Its simultaneous reality and the game driving in one lane. Yes, I know you want sex and, I may want sex too but, lets still play the game without me telling y…. And no, this is not me bashing on women or trying add more attention to […]
December 8th, 2014 at 12:04 am
Reblogged this on mrmancy's Blog.
December 30th, 2014 at 12:49 am
[…] and ambition for his life, who doesn’t need to be told he needs to be so. He ‘Just Gets It‘, and so much so that his Frame is the dominant one from the outset of the relationship […]
December 31st, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Reblogged this on MGTOW 2.0.
January 13th, 2015 at 2:06 pm
[…] Even if you had the benefit of having your bratty sister punch you in the arm after teasing her you may not realize this is a form of shit testing you. One of the most important aspects of dealing with a shit test is understanding the basic fundament of Just Getting It: […]
February 2nd, 2015 at 5:37 pm
[…] love a man who Just Gets It, and the best, playful way of expressing that is with Amused Mastery; but it’s even more sexy […]
February 9th, 2015 at 1:06 pm
[…] about her believing he’d done so, and with any amount of genuineness. For a man to Just Get It, he must get it on his own. Any woman inserting herself into the process of him just getting that […]
April 7th, 2015 at 9:51 pm
[…] wouldn’t need any reinforcement of that confidence. Once again, women want a man who ‘Just Gets It‘. Any (Alpha) man a woman has a genuine admiration of doesn’t need a confidence boost […]