If we had a dollar for every time we heard a guy say “My wife or girlfriend would never…” Followed sometime in the future by “I can’t believe she did that to me!”

It seems to me now that ‘game’ in marriage is a crucial male strategy to attempt to project the illusion to her that the male still has some power and control in the relationship. It must be performed to the level that she is fooled and distracted from the fact that she is the one in the driver’s seat.

We can talk all day long about how so and so wears the pants, “not in my house”, etc., but it’s all bullshit. One day you might get a surprise summons or come home to an empty house and a note. Or even better, a couple deputies to watch you while you pack your shit and GTFO by a court order you had no idea was headed your way.

When you show up in court you’ll find out the truth of who is wearing the pants directly from the judge. The ‘trick’ is to run the game to the degree necessary that you hopefully don’t wind up there. Or to run the game long enough until the SMV flips in your favor as a whole, such as your forties, and your wife is very aware of it and feels the increasingly heavy weight of her limited options. Only then can you relax, but only a little.

I go round and round on this, but I can’t in good conscience or with a straight face recommend to my sons that they should ever entertain the notion of getting married. They can just shack up or whatever. I won’t say a peep about it. If they want kids, just have them and give them one of those cool hyphen names: Brandon Skyler Smith-Jones.

If you have kids you’re going to be on the hook for 18+ of CS payments no matter what. Why compound the error with possible lifetime alimony and asset seizure?

It almost seems to me that the very fabric of society is being pushed forward bit by bit to be more “ghetto-thug” fabulous to the point where one of the best strategies one can employ is to simply emulate the “baby mama” culture as it pertains to relationships and commitment.

Kooky to say this, but you’re seeing more and more white suburban kids emulate lifestyles and relational strategies such as unwed motherhood and thug-tastic-ness, which you would have only seen in the worst inner city wards 20-30 years ago. I think people mostly behave in the way that they are incentivized to.

My thinking has come round to the belief that given the legal, cultural and financial environment we have today, that if you really, really, actually wuv her, you should do both of yourselves a favor and do the “wrong” thing and not marry her for both your sakes. I believe that the act of refusing to marry her, aside from doing the best screening you can at the time of selection, will actually give you the best shot at some type of LTR success if that is what you seek.

Not marrying her at least removes the relational power vacuuming that will occur to you under force of law as soon as you sign the contract (marriage license) and perhaps removes her Sword of Damocles hanging over your head.

Therefore she might retain some vestigial type of self interest in behaving like a decent human towards you because you can walk away at a lower cost if she should not, and she knows it. The end result perhaps is that you both wind up happier or more stable in the relationship to whatever degree.

Of course, many women profess to ‘hate’ a man who won’t commit but I don’t think it’s that they really hate a man who won’t commit. They could have that in spades from plenty of guys. They hate a man who won’t sign the contract which is what they really want. The want the power of the contract. The guarantee.

I said in a comment over at Athol’s place that people really, really love to get and give guarantees. You know, things like: money back if not satisfied, wedding vows, marriage licenses, whatever you want to sell it as or call it. That is her guarantee, her assurance backed by the state that her future is secure.

It’s understandable that women would want that. Guys just need to remember that there is no comparable thing in the law for them.

I can commit to a woman but I just can’t enter into a legal contract with one. If I find a woman that I want to commit to long term, I could do that at a personal level but I don’t think I can ever involve the state in my private life again like that because I’ve been through it once already.

When you’ve been run through the legal process you get a Red Pill infusion even if you don’t know what to call it at the time. You discover very quickly that everything you thought you were “doing for us” is a pretty big farce, that legally speaking marriage boils down to property and money and who gets it when it’s done, and women can be some of the most ruthless mercenaries there ever were. A woman’s word is her bond sistas? Lolz.

Everything else along the way, from courting, to the altar, to your life of wedded bliss is just window dressing designed to distract you from this fact until such time as a judge makes it very, very clear to you, nose to pavement clear, what the real score is.

Per usual, I will state that if you are already married, make the best of it and stay married. Short of suffering from cheating, hitting or addictions going on, I think you can make the best of it you can, but game the living shit out of it.

Otherwise, treat marriage like a downed power line and stay very far away from it, or learn the hard way like every other guy who thought “no way will this happen to me.” Well brother, it has to happen to someone. Why not you?

The key tell is how you import impressions made from old statements of mine. What gave you the impression that I was a “bible thumper”? It wasn’t from my last comment, wherein I gave no indication of my religion. I am not sure I even ever spoke of it on this site. It was some little frustration you’ve got stored up inside you like an indigestible nugget, imported from site to site, which causes you to vomit forth emotion at the very sight of my name.

Seriously, look into your complex. It is debilitating you. I understand your “struggle with men’s issues,” but commiserating with thin-skinned, thinly-veiled losers like “driveallnight” who lash out randomly is not good for your cause, much less your condition.