I read an article this morning about the 5 stages of grief (confronting death) and how they apply to coming into acceptance of a previously rejected truth. Yes, I know, there’s no end to the ridiculous interpretations of this played-out pop-psych list, but I was curious about how this might apply to an AFC coming to grips with unplugging from the Matrix, so I did a bit of searching and what did I find on my blog roll search but this:
1. Denial – Still Plugged -In: “These game guys are a bunch of clowns, there’s no way this works on women. Women aren’t stupid. What a bunch of misogynists.”
2. Anger – Post-Red Pill: “This is ridiculous! Why should I have to jump through all these hoops for women? I just want to be myself. Why couldn’t I have been a Natural Alpha®? I blame my parents/siblings/teachers/God/liberals/feminists/media/society, maybe George Sodini, Andres Breivik, James Holmes wasn’t so crazy after all.”
3. Bargaining – Unplugged: “Well maybe it does have some good points…but, forget the hot girls, they’re way outta my league. I’ll give it a try if it can help me get around the bases with a plain Jane. Do I have to wear the fuzzy hat and black nail polish?”
4. Depression – Bitter Taste of the Red Pill: “Wow, women really respond to this puffed-up act? And guys spend big bucks on it and wind up with more ass than a toilet seat? And I just joined up for this? The world is sad and so am I…”
5. Acceptance – Game Awareness: “Maybe this IS the way things really work. I guess I should give up the gender relations mythology I’ve been holding onto…hey, what do you think of these negs I came up with?”
6. Jaded* – MGTOW Permutations: “Fuck learning all these rules. Sex isn’t worth it and women aren’t that fun anyway. The last thing I want to do is learn routines or the 5 stages of pickup. There’s too many websites, too much to read, I can’t remember it all much less sort it all out. Who has all that time to go out and chat up women anyway? It’s not like I see any women under 40 at work at my engineering job to practice on. Video games and porn are more fun and more available. I just haffta look good and let the women come to me”
* This is a late addition to the list, hardly original and arguably relevant, but I added it for precautionary measures.
Before I get the predictable howls of “someone did this before you” (h/t Badger) allow me to put my spin on it. I get a ton of PMs from forum members, and read threads about guys with friends or relatives in, or just getting over, horrible relationships and how they’ve tried to unplug them only to run into stiff resistance. Looking at this process to acceptance it’s no wonder why.
So my discussion question for today is this; how did you unplug? Was there some moment of clarity that opened your eyes? Did you go through a process like the one described here? Are you maybe still struggling with a certain phase?
[…] and anticipation for one another, the male contestant gets to hear dating nippon porcelain what baggage the man brings to the table. She then, has the opposite sex. But save that super sexy cleavage enhancing […]
[…] and heard him speak it it being the guys fault I was floored in anger. I was still going through my “5 stages of unplugging” and was in no mood to let women off the hook. This was deeper than just dealing with my lack […]
Wow. First post of year 2015 on this. I was always somewhat unplugged, in fact, I had the red pill figured out for years, reading about it just confirmed everything that I had assumed. I am pretty good at analyzing human behavior, just follow the biology and take the most crude, humanless scenario. I knew it but did not fully implement it, because I wanted to let a chance to the blue pill and, perhaps most importantly, because I was not mature and strong enough in my mind. I could not stress enough the importance that age had for me.… Read more »
I’m 37 years old. I was with my GF for 4 years. I was planning to be with her all my life. We had so many plans for the future. One day I returned back from the work, she was at home. I wanted to show her my Spain vacation itinerary, took her Ipad suddenly, and saw a picture of a guy on messenger. I learned after that, my GF, while I was planning our vacation, was chatting with another guy on Facebook, and it had been for months. I was shocked, desperate. I was a living dead for months.… Read more »
[…] if all you know has been X, Y seems hostile and very incorrect, almost morally perverse. Rollo’s article on unplugging really struck home because it clearly identified the stages I was going […]
[…] explained by Rollo Tomassi, there are 5 stages of grief associated with unplugging from a blue pill perspective. These stages of grief are the common […]
Just read this. Somewhere between 2 and 3.
I think the red pill has a lot more to do with life in general than just how you interact with women. Its like your whole ego structure gets torn down and one of the side effects of that is how you interact with women. A lot of the time this restructering process can start with a traumatic event involving a woman though. For me it has been a gradual process. My life got torn down in many ways (family, women, etc) and that made me start looking for answers. I started with spirituality and found my way into the… Read more »
Unfortunately I became aware of this relatively late. I believe I’m between 3 and 4 jumping back and forth between 2 and five sometimes.
No doubt I’m getting at it and I sure enjoy to read all the posts on the site.
“Do I have to wear the fuzzy hat and black nail polish?”
ROTFL
I’ve been through the same
It was in fact a hard pill to swallow… although I was a natural in highschool and early college. I took sex and gender courses and sociology courses in college infested with the idea of 100% equality between the sexes. Biologically and psychologically thats just not the case. I went two years single between 23 to 25, where i told my self i wanted to break no more hearts! And after following the wrong mens advice on youtube i became so blue pill it sickens me when i look back… dont get me wrong, blue pill guys are nice and… Read more »
[…] person with a deep innate drive towards truth. So I did, for a few months. Then suddenly, I began the 5 stages of unplugging which frankly, scared the crap out of me as I entered the first stage, Denial. I ended up quitting […]
[…] person with a deep innate drive towards truth. So I did, for a few months. Then suddenly, I began the 5 stages of unplugging which frankly, scared the crap out of me as I entered the first stage, Denial. I ended up quitting […]
Reblogged this on eghost247.
[…] result of Blue Pill social conditioning. I’ve covered this anger phase in Anger Management, The Five Stages of Unplugging, The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill and The Dangers of the Red […]
[…] of Blue Pill social conditioning. I’ve covered this anger phase in Anger Management, The Five Stages of Unplugging, The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill and The Dangers of the Red […]
Damn I’m in Stage 4, the fucking depression. How can I surpass this stage? Something to read, to do, mindsets, any shit? My actual state is scary asf
@Tuner
https://therationalmale.com/2014/09/29/a-new-hope/
[…] by someone else. The process only works if you do it yourself. Rollo Tomassi has outlined the 5 stages of unplugging. The steps in order are; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and […]
[…] there’s been a push to paint Red Pill aware men as bitter guys who get stuck in the anger phase of unplugging. No doubt this can happen, and considering the mass effect of Blue Pill conditioning in men […]
Started reading this info 5 days ago after a friend sent me the link. At stage 5 after 5 days if intense reading amd processing and the little wife is wondering whats going on. Been married 14 years with 4 children and another on the way. I know what you are all thinking but I genuinly love having lots of children and see a rich life ahead as a result. Got a healthy business and a decent house with investments so hasnt stopped me creating wealth whilst living a good life now. Classic beta bitch conditioning led to marriage and… Read more »
@Colinizor, I’m going to suggest you read this 4-part series:
https://therationalmale.com/2017/01/10/the-reconstruction-i/
Female here. I agree AWALT. Do we have further to go here? Years of feminism have messed it all up but is the manosphere only half way back. A woman is designed to be a helper to a man; to fulfill needs in him and help him achieve his life goals. That is why we crave leadership. If you don’t need our help in your life then we are useless and unfulfilled. Yes, we are happier getting scraps from the table of a man who appears to be going somewhere than we are when given everything from a man who… Read more »
[…] angry with women. This is the easiest dismissal for critics because it is true; men do go through a phase of anger when they unplug from the Blue Pill illusions they’ve been so convinced of for the better […]
[…] Çeviri : 5 Stages Of Unplugging […]
[…] badly three times in the last two years, marriage being one of them. No more. Today, I’m unplugged and going my own way, trying to follow a few simple rules, and keep my options open. Oh, and […]
After getting a second chance to get with my Oneitis after 2 years of being broken up, I fucked it up due to my blue pill tendencies.. However, the brightside without that happening I would have never stumbled upon the red pill (week ago and day of the fuckup) and am now glad it happened. Have been reading non-stop for a week now and I feel so awoken.
Stay positive and always improve.
[…] cut away from that Blue Pill conditioned life. This is why I compare it to mourning in The Five Stages of Unplugging, men are literally mourning the loss of their investments in that paradigm; they’re morning […]
[…] they’re cut away from that Blue Pill conditioned life. This is why I compare it to mourning in The Five Stages of Unplugging, men are literally mourning the loss of their investments in that paradigm; they’re morning the […]
I’m 59 years old and am just now staring at the abyss. I’ve been married for 32 years and am definitely beta-blue in my marriage. Don’t plan on going anywhere, but things are damn sure going to have to change. The one reason I’m here is that I have been listening to Rollo on The Pat Campbell Show here in Tulsa. The one advantage I have is that I am a Marine and know that the best place to find out who and what you are is in a dangerous place ( think minefields ). So all I can think… Read more »
Wodansthane Welcome to comments and congratulations on winding up here from the Pat Campbell show. Interesting, your choice of initial comments. “Don’t plan on going going anywhere…” What does that mean? You want to stay in your relationship with wife (and children?)? “The one advantage I have is that I am a Marine and know that the best place to find out who and what you are is in a dangerous place ( think minefields ).” Sometimes that can be a disadvantage, let alone having been blue pill for so long: https://therationalmale.com/2013/01/21/soldiers/ Rollo: At the risk of encouraging some ecumenical… Read more »
“I’m not so sure those words are quite what you mean from them.” The problem, in context, is that Kierkegaard was taking his leap from Red Pill into Blue Pill. That’s why he needed faith, rather than conviction. Red Pill is empirical. I would suggest a different role model for a Marine with a nom de screen like Woden’s Thane. Follow Chesty, wherever he is. There aren’t enough women in the world to stop a Marine fully armed with the Red Pill from doing whatever he wants to do. And always remember, if the Marine Corps had wanted you to… Read more »
The problem, in context, is that Kierkegaard was taking his leap from Red Pill into Blue Pill. That’s why he needed faith, rather than conviction.
K was correct that life requires taking risks even when we don’t have all the facts. Very Red Pill. K never said that reason is useless in everyday matters–only that it is insufficient when it comes to propositions about the Divine.
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/kierkegaard/#Reli
I can’t point a specific event how I unplugged. The cause is clear, I was on a quest to get more exciting sex with my wife. To get my wife to desire sex. I started up actually by reading a lot of female written sex blogs, because, learn what they want right? The contradictions and inconsistencies jumped out right at me. The dots gradually appeared and connections gradually to form from 1) following mostly feminists’ blogs and social media account, and 2) I liberally experimented on my wife to figure out what works and what doesn’t. It wasn’t easy to… Read more »
I can’t think of any specific event that got me unplugged. Nothing dramatic or traumatic happened in my life. I couldn’t get laid to save my life before I met my wife. So no meaningful sexual experience with women either. We dated and flirted online for a while, and had sex the first time we met. I have a happy marriage, sex life envied by my social media follower, and wonderful children. Even though I can’t think of any specific event that got me unplugged, I know the cause clearly. It’s to generate some spark in the bedroom. It was… Read more »
My unplugging was after my ex broke me down, tried to manipulate me with her borderline methods into following her far-left ideals. She always told me I lacked empathy and shamed me until I actually started considering her opinions. But I never submitted to her Postmodernist aspired tripe as it was nothing I’d ever consider rational. One day we fucked and she kicked me out as soon as we finished; claiming, that she had to do her things. Then she broke it off with me the next day, claiming “I wasn’t what she wanted and that I was too set… Read more »
I’m new to your work but highly interested. After reading this article, I’d say I’m on Step 6 which you seem to imply is an unhealthy place to be. What are your suggestions for someone who has the Step 6 attitude?
“I’m new to your work but highly interested. After reading this article, I’d say I’m on Step 6 which you seem to imply is an unhealthy place to be. What are your suggestions for someone who has the Step 6 attitude? Step 6 was meant as farcical. And it is nihilistic. Women are generally a complement to a man’s life. When done right, they provide the ultimate masculine ecstasy. Release from constraint. Including La Petit Mort. So what you are saying is that you want to make a virtue (out) of necessity. The obverse of that is the feminist: “A… Read more »
I feel i’m somehow skipping the Anger fase because i’ve recently went through it with religion?
How did I unplug? My ex and one of my best friends started flirting on my back, she left me, and a few months later I found out they were sleeping together.
That is when I learned Hypergamy doesn’t care, about anything. Hypergamy cares about hypergamy.
Thank you RT.
Very non-exclusive by nature since the age of 15, at this age girls are very experimental / hypergamous in a naive way. And my first love jumped ship. I was blue pill. The underlying realisation that being morally decent doesnt work with women. Cue 8 year relationship 3 years married as a purple pill. Doing everything maturely but non reactive to her shit tests. Financially responsible for family and brutally discarded. Everyone has a frame of reference for when they were successful with women, because when they read this content it resonates with them. It explains it all. Im now… Read more »
I have viewed it more as Five stages of MGTOW, Denial – Right along with your definition. Anger – Same. Bargaining – I viewed as either the Men’s Rights Movement or the PUA community. Either way they are bargaining with the female. Either collectively(MRM) or individually(PUA). Depression – sets in when a person either realizes that there can be no negotiating with the Unfettered Female Hypergamy or the pandering White Knights that supplicate themselves, in the case of the MRM fighting the system, or that Pick Up Artistry is an empty endeavor without meaning beyond just getting tail. It takes… Read more »
My wife told me out of the blue that she is not attracted to me anymore and does not know exactly why. She said she thinks she still loves me, but just does not get hot for me anymore. That shit destroyed me.
I made all mistakes that can ever think – beta mindset, single mommy’s, 4 or 5 of them and all s*it that comes with that. Now getting free of almost 7 years long LTR. 1 year past it but still recovering. Get dumped by my girlfriend in the most bad moment. Find the redpill trought my friend that give me a link. Now I’m becoming better version of myself. Overall I’m not a standart man that is in this community. I have a solid pickup background, my own seduction system and very good game. Probably i could write my own… Read more »
one sort of figures all this out naturally with time, as you get older. yes, there is a huge effort to Beta-down the male population, and it starts from the time you’re born. having said that, looks are the biggest pull, if you don’t have/bother with game, with limited resources/provisioning to offer. tried and true, get a look, and use the old school standby, aloof game. say nothing, or very little. it works the same as a job interview, many times the applicant who merely answers yes or no, nods, but says very little, gets the job- because they didn’t… Read more »
[…] you are at a Churchian place, your sins won’t be confronted, and you won’t change. It may be that this time has been sent to us because we have allowed quarter to sin. A fair amount […]
[…] cut away from that Blue Pill conditioned life. This is why I compare it to mourning in The Five Stages of Unplugging, men are literally mourning the loss of their investments in that paradigm; they’re morning the […]
Excellent, Rollo.
I have been redpilled for 11 years and it’s both liberating and depressing. Liberating because I don’t have to think like the world does, depressing because most people are hopelessly locked into msm and bluepill psychology.
I come from a third world culture that hasn’t fully embraced Gynocentrism. There is no pretense in intersexual dynamics: men are seen as success objects and women as sex objects. This is known and accepted. Feminism has made powerful inroads into the culture but has ran up against traditionally conservative values. So, both men and women are somewhat aware and understand that men and women have competing sexual strategies. But are unable to articulate or express their understanding of this truth technically. Becoming RP aware only gave me the language with which to describe recognizable patterns. As such, I never… Read more »
[…] The Five Stages of Unplugging (2012-7-25), Rollo describes some of the heartache that men endure when they wake up from their […]