I was that man who could not stop thinking about his ex. Here are some of the practical things that helped me when my ex left.

I was a “higher beta”, bank VP, leader, high earner, when I met my ex. She was beautiful, captivating, sexy. I wooed her, married her. She was the best looking woman I have ever been with. I loved her like I have loved no other.

After ten years it wore thin. She never ever respected our marriage, never had a real job, used my money to present herself as a successful businesswoman and had too many single girlfriends. Dramatic and manipulative, I now realise that she has extreme Borderline Personality Disorder. Despite all my efforts she left me for a lesbian whose father had the money to keep them in the way she had always wanted. When she left she said “Of course, this will destroy you”.

In a rare but wonderful coincidence I discovered Game in the last two months before she left me. From Chateau Heartiste http://heartiste.wordpress.com. I discovered what Oneitis is, and the dangers in that. That helped when she left.

I also bought a self-help book by Marisa Peer, http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Confidence-Secrets-Yourself-ebook/dp/B002TZ3EB6/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1337968360&sr=8-6 who talks about being “enough”, not being dependent on your ex. In the month after my wife left, I covered the walls of my house with yellow post-its with “I am enough” written on them. It helped.

However I could not stop thinking about my ex, sexy, vivacious, funny, stylish. The worst was going to bed alone, where my anger at her betrayal would blossom in the dark. The consequence of this was chronic Insomnia. It reached a point where I was only sleeping in snatches. My days became phantoms of tiredness which I do not really remember.

In desperation I turned to Emotional Freedom Technique http://www.tapping.com . I used EFT to “clear” the angry emotional blockages around my cheating, lying wife. Blessedly, sleep returned.

However my days were filled with the addiction of my wife. Then I looked for spiritual support. For the last three years (to my wife’s amusement) I have been a practicing pagan. I decide to perform an ending ritual. I built a high bonfire, made a sacrifice to Odin, the All-Father, gave bread, wine, beer, gold and meat and wood. I placed photographs of my wife on the bonfire, spoke my plea, lit the fire and burned it all to ash. I invoked Odin and Tyr (God of warriors) to my aid.

Now I function much better. Regardless of your spiritual orientation, an ending ritual may help. I think Fire helps.

I learnt something from this article and the comments. I realise now that sex with another woman will help me. In my pain I have avoided women. I will change this.

Many, many thanks for your site, Mr Tomassi.

As soon as you start fucking someone new, all those horrible feelings go away.

To go with the drug analogy, there’s a horrible alcoholic I know. He can’t stop drinking when he starts, he keeps a bottle next to the bed if he wakes up in the middle of the night with the shakes.

When we can get him off booze, he smokes weed every day all day. He gets by no problem with weed, with which he’s 100% more tolerable and not a danger to himself.

The best way to get over someone is on top of someone else. And if in a slump, I’ll go for a fattie. “Any port in a storm!”

I do have “some” experience with women and I am STILL succeptible to this shit. My very body is willing to do so. I fucked like the young god in my twenties. Still one young virgin with no experiences at all in this fucking heaven kept me in line for two years! She was so cold and so naturally manipulative that my ego didn´t give me a chance. Epic fail. I handled – in my practice, a good couple of men – successful, unsuccesful, rich poor, attractive, ugly, weak and strong, all emotionaly DEVASTATED by their wives.

I know “strong” businessmen taking loans just to “prove” they are worthy. Working their asses off just to be able to pay for holidays and expensive cars. All for their DUMB, LAZY and SPOILED wifes. Why do you think this :jerks: – translation – weak men, are behaving like complete idiots, losing every bit of dignity in the process?

We are talking about knowledge here. This is not about beta men – aka – the others not us, we are big, strong men of course. This is about us. Men. Maybe we should admit it to ourself. There would be more dignity in it.

Women are sophisticated breed, born with values that help them to FIND her mate and EXPLOIT his resources, mind, everything he has, for the nest and children. They have much better system than us. Our very bodies and minds are their best allies. We are constructed to be the SLAVES of matrix. Woman IS the matrix. She is walking DNA. 999 of 1oo0 men are slaves to women. All their lives. She has the upper hand, she is made to have it. All our life is the battle for freedom. But to able to fight – we shoud admit the truth.

Or maybe the archetypal ‘type’ that a man desires is simply a manifestation of oneitis.

The kid corners Draper in the elevator and tries to make Don feel guilty. The kid suggests he has better ideas while Draper is a has-been who resorts to stealing ideas of subordinates.

Draper barely looks at thim and says drly: “Well I’m lucky you work for me…”

The kid then says “I feel sorry for you”

Draper says “I dont’ think of you at all”

That exchange sums it up.

Here’s the remedy: get a big note card. One one side write down all that you liked about her and the relationship. Be fair in your listing. No one else is going to see this. Now, on the other side of the note card, write down all that you disliked about her and the relationship. Be equally honest–even brutally so. Did you not like it when she flirted with your best friend? Write that down. You didn’t like feeling like shit when she left for the weekend to god knows where? Write that down. Were there parts of your sex life with her that you really didn’t like? Did she forget to flush? Did she cook like crap? Dis your friends? Bitch at you for fishing with your buddies? Ever ask you to watch stupid movies? Fart at inappropriate times? Write it all down. Write down the unvarnished truth on BOTH sides of the card.

Now, every time you want to think of her, read BOTH sides of the card; not just the one positive side. Read that card (both sides) every damn day if you have to. This will re-train your thinking. You’re stuck in a cognitive rut and need to break free. You need to recall that for every fond memory, there are, quite likely, 1.5x as many ugly memories (otherwise you wouldn’t have broken up). Eventually, you won’t embellish the memories any more. You’ll kick the habit of replaying only the positive soundtrack from your past relationship. You’ll begin take in the WHOLE truth–both the good and the bad–for your own greater experience and wisdom. And you’ll be a better man for it.

I learned long ago, that the best way to get over one woman, is to get over another – as in, in bed… Guaranteed to keep your mind focused on the woman you’re with. That is why dating only one woman is a losing game – you have no other options. Have options makes it so that you don’t put too much value in any relationship, and that makes it better for you – and that is what matters in the end. What is best for you.