Wake up,Ted D

The Matrix has you . . .

An effective leader is one whom people DESIRE to follow. If people follow because they feel obligated, guilty or coereced, things won’t go well. It’s like the difference between busting ass for your boss at work because you like him and want him to look good for his boss…. or doing it because you hate the guy, but need a paycheck.

By definition, if you are an effective leader of your relationship, the other person won’t object. It’s a lack of leadership skills that cause problems.

As for your partner not having a choice…. of course she has one. She can accept your leadership, or she can NEXT you and find some other guy. And no, I’ve never sat down and explicitly had this conversation with a girl I was dating. But it’s something I’ve effectively sub-communicated through my actions.

——- Do you honestly not see that as arrogant? I’m not saying I’m incapable of doing it, and in fact I believe that having the “reins” in the relationship would allow me to improve things easier and with less drama. However, if it goes against her will, then I have no claim to that role. ——-

Why is her will more important than yours? You said you want the reins. More precisely that you believe having them would lead to an improved relationship with less drama. And yet you won’t claim them because it goes against her will.

Take charge. One of two things will happen. 1: She’ll give you her implicit approval by staying with you. Judge what she wants by her actions not her words. It’s entirely possible she says she hates it, but stays anayways. 2: She’ll let you know she hates it by leaving. You’ll be free to pursue a relationship where you can hold the reins and be happy. And she’ll be free to find some other guy that’s willing to let her be in charge. In either scenario, you both win.

As for the arrogance thing.

Arrogance. Adj. having or showing an EXAGGERATED opinion of one’s own importance, merit, ability, etc. (emphasis mine).

Calling yourself the leader of your household and your relationship is only arrogant if you aren’t the actual leader. Sure, a number of pissed off women are going to shame you by calling you arrogant. Who cares?

——- Unless of course you are implying that it is my role by default since she agreed to be in a relationship with me. ——-

BINGO!

——That would be fine provided it was laid out in the beginning and clearly stated. However I don’t think there are many if any modern American women that in any way believe it. In fact, I would wager that most are completely against the concept. —–

NO! NEVER clearly state it. Like I said above, subcommunicate.

As for most women being against the concept, again, judge her actions not her words. A woman may happily tell all her friends how she doesn’t like dominant males, how she has her man wrapped around her finger because he’s so pathetically in love, etc. Yet when he makes a decision, it’s final and she submits to it.

That’s part of why subcommunication is key. It allows her to maintain this level of deniability between her actions and her words. So you’re partially correct. Almost all women will CLAIM they are completely against the concept. But in practice, very few women will ever leave a man because he’s strong and authoritative.

Women dont want these kind of sexual dynamics with a regular guy. There is nothing most men can do. Men are already uninhibited about sex. They are already willing to have more sex, with more partners in more ways. There is nothing men can do because women set different limits, terms and boundaries with different men. Women will never *let* most men go there. Women will never submit themselves to most men. Most men are simply not good enough for this. The so called Alpha male doesnt pull out confidence out of his ass. He gets confidence from the way women engage with him. Women naturally bring out their feminine and vulnerable side in the presence of desirable, dominant alpha men.

Women have relationships for various reasons. Sexual fulfillment is just very low on the priority lists. Women know this but only subconsciously. The kind of men they really desire sexually, they really want to submit to sexually are very few and not available for commitment to the vast majority of them. However, most women can have flings with such men, regardless of how mediocre they themselves are. As you know women can get sex with high quality men quite easily.

What I want is for *men* to open their eyes and swallow the bitter pill…come to terms with the uncomfortable truth about female sexuality. This, I believe its very important. This I beleive will make them more equipped to deal with women. It will make them more tough and most importantly they will learn to never invest too much in any woman because they are incapable of desiring you as much as you desire them. I feel really sad that my gender is so naive and delusional.