“Were you just looking at her?!! WERE YOU?!!,..I bet you just wanna fuck her don’t you?,.. DON’T YOUUU!!!”
One curious aspect of the manosphere community is it’s tendency to pick up on what I’d call ‘pet pathologies’. It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness. Most Betas often report a discomfort with approaches and Game in general because of varying degrees of social anxiety that they’ve internalized for the better part of their lives.
So, it’s a much simpler premise to attribute this to a psychological disorder than to admit that they’ve got a lot of work ahead of them in unlearning the hinderances the’ve been conditioned to believe about themselves for so long. I’m not saying guys (why is it rarely women?) don’t have Asperger’s, but I think some real introspection is due before diagnosing it for themselves. Another neurosis that gets attributed to women in the manosphere is BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder:
*DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Chronic feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
I struggled with deciding whether to write about this because in our current intergender environment, it’s very easy to conveniently ascribe these symptoms and tendencies to the ‘psycho bitches’ that men often complain about. She’s crazy in bed, but she’s also crazy out of bed. I would doubt that there’s a man dating in the last decade who hasn’t encountered one or some combination of neurosis listed in this clinical diagnosis with a woman he’s dating or has dated.
As the gender landscape has developed in the last 40 years, so to has the variety of psychoses. So it’s for this reason that I think understanding true BPD neurosis in comparison to the common anxieties of insecurity that women are prone needs to be explored.
True BPDs
I had an LTR with a BPD woman for 4 years when I was in my 20s and I can tell you from experience, it’s nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It’s particularly damaging for AFCs locked into a BPDs negative feedback loop, especially when he’s developed a soul destroying ONEitis with her and associates himself as the source of her depression / psychosis.
True BPDs progressively convince their victims that they are the source of her neurosis. You are not yourself, you are who she’s molding you to be, and eventually you’ll come to believe that it’s in your best interest – indeed, your responsibility – to be who she wants you to be to sustain that neurosis.
You will gradually give up on your family and friends (or they give up on you), you will drop all ambitions and passions that directly focus on you, and you will abandon any genuine, independent identity you held for yourself, all because these are threats to the neurotic narrative she constructs for herself and lives out.
She will reward your conversion to her psychosis with the intermittent reward of crazy hot sex, but this is simply the reinforcer to keep you locked into her narrative. The YOU you know will cease to exist and the character she creates for you will take over. This is especially true for beta chumps who see their BPD as their best, only option for a long term romantic prospect. She’s an HB 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5 in his whole life, so the risk of catastrophic loss is real and ever-present. It’s fate that brought them together, and if he can only help allay her fears they can live happily ever after.
In the latter stages of a BPD relationship you will get to the point where her overt cuckolding of you is an acceptable situation. You think you’ll mitigate it by negotiating some “open relationship” status with her. You will internalize the reasoning that negotiating for her desire is preferable to losing her. You’ll propose that an open relationship means you’re both free to fuck other parties, when in reality it’s the only way you can rationalize for yourself the fact that she’s going to go fuck other guys, and you’re going to accept it because you’re locked into her neurosis. It’s your fault she feels compelled to fuck other guys – and you’ll believe it.
That, or the mere suggestion of you being interested in sex with another woman will send her into fits of jealous, histrionic rage. You’re living in fear. You’re afraid she’ll commit suicide if you uproot yourself (a classic BPD unspoken threat), but trust me on this, it’ll be you who swallows a bullet long before she ever will. I’ve personally known two men who’ve done just this, and another who hung himself as the result of a BPD relationship.
I know it seems like most of the friends you still do have are simply passing you off by saying “get out” and move on, but your life literally depends on you doing so. Cutting you off and disengaging you from external perspectives about your twisted relationship is essential to a BPD’s neurosis. Eventually your friends and family will give up on the ‘new you’.
Also, I must add this, when and if you do finally muster the self-concern enough to actually leave her, expect a complete about-face in her mentality and behavior. The one thing a true BPD loathes more than her victim is the thought of having to ensnare another. There are plenty of other Beta chumps ready to fill that role, but the comfort and easy predictability you represent to her in the present builds an emotional dependency. BPDs will fight like wild animals not to lose their victim, so expect an extinction burst from her the likes of which are unimaginable.
For a guy so accustomed to her neurotic behavior, his first impression is that she’s making some real change for him in order to “improve the relationship.” It’s not, but so radical a shift in her behavior will convince you otherwise, and cause you to doubt her deception, particularly when you yourself have no options and believe you’ll never do any better than her.
December 7th, 2014 at 8:09 pm
guys, keep in mind, the male BPD also exists. This is not, because I am a female, just to be scientifically proper, when you want to understand something. YES, FEMALE BPD (HISTRIONIC, EVEN THOUGH DSM HAS LISTED THEM SEPARETELY) VERY PROMISCUOUS….TERRRRRIBLE, MANIPULATIVE ETC. HOWEVER, LATELY MANY PROMINANT PSYCHOLOGISTS ARGUE, THAT THE NUMBER AMONG MEN IS UNDERESTIMATED, BECAUSE THE MALE BPD MANIFESTS VERY DIFFERENTLY.
just google ‘fragile and dangerous men’.
December 8th, 2014 at 2:12 am
@margott
There is a reason that a WOMAN made a movie about a woman with BPD.
EVERY man should see this film. It’s available for rent or purchase on iTunes, Vimeo and many other sources. The understanding you’ll gain might just save your life. Thank you, Rollo, for writing such an accurate description of BPD. Those of us that have been in a relationship with one in the past are thankful to be alive.
December 31st, 2014 at 5:13 am
I have been with a girl that has BPD now for a year and half, she refuses to get treatment, I have now thrown her out 6 times now, this time I dumped her on the phone, I was out of the country, she started demanding for material things like a car and a house, and a dog, we had just gotten back together for 2 months, I told her that we will do this in near future, these were plans we had prior to her acting up, all of a sudden, in a phone conversation, she started asking for these thing immediately telling me that she has many men chasing her, I asked her are you seeing anyone else she said no, I asked her, am I your boyfriend she said yes, she said that she was not happy, I told her that I was not happy either, so she said that I should leave her then, so I did, I told her to get lost, and like in the past she was in shock, then I brutally verbally abused her, like in the past times that we have broken up, I am 17 years older than her, now I have always cheated on her, and she knows, and always drives me nuts over this, but to be honest, reason why I cheat on her, is she is not that good with sex I find, she is okay, but I have had better, in all my past relations, me and my partners were into swinging like swinger clubs gangbangs and etc. now she was a stripper for about 2 years in the past prior to me going out with her, only reason why I like her is because she like loves me to death hugging kisses and stuff like that, I like it, and yes I have feelings for her and love her company, we get along fantastic, until she freaks, she at the beginning of our relationship, twice had very bad violent freak outs, I mean bad like complete insanity, but she does not do that anymore, because I threw her out immediately both times and last time she tried that I scared her very badly, so she knows that she cannot get away with that one, I am certain that each time we have separated that she has gone with other men, but I have gone with other women also, she says that at sex I am her best sex partner she has ever had. now I own a company and she is now telling me that she wants to work for me, but not have a relationship, and of course she wants me to over pay her, I told her that if I have to over pay her then she has to put out, and she says that she cannot involve emotions and work together, so I told her to get lost, lately in the last month she has been doing nude pictures and nude paintings, she has been having photographers take these and she has been posting them on facebook, and let me mention that like in past every time we break up she cuts me off certain sites, because I have verbally abused her. but she stalks my facebook and she does return my emails, today I landed in Cancun with another woman, and am spending 10 days, at a resort, and I marked on facebook at airport with so and so, and will be back in 10 days, and of course I received 3 emails have not answered her, but she says now that she is moving to Vancouver, to become a writer, which is a joke because it is 10 years that she has been writing a novel, and it is still not finished and I am the one who has been supporting her, I sent her 500 dollars last week, she did not ask me for it, but I figured she needed money also told her that I will send her the dog she wants in a week or 2, I also sent her an email earlier in the week giving her shit for doing these nude things, I told her that she says that we are a couple, then why would she not come to tell me she wanted to do these things, because as a couple we are suppose to do these things together, and if she wants to do sexual fantasies that we should do these things together, number one so that I will be there to protect her, and etc. I am wondering do you ever think that she will ever calm down and stop acting up, because I am really getting fed up of every 2 or 3 months she acts up and I have to throw her out, and then have to argue with her for 2 months before she comes back, she always says that she does not trust me, but I have never trusted her neither, and never will, I told her that if she would stop taking off and settle that I could train her sexually, because in past all her boyfriends have cheated on her, that’s what she says, who knows, for me she is a liar, but I catch her immediately, plus I bug all her electronic devices phones computers etc. so I know everything. I just need a bit of peace in my life, plus she is a good cook, and I enjoy eating out with her, we have fun. until she freaks. what should I do.
December 31st, 2014 at 5:49 am
Emmanuel, are you serious dude? Or just trolling?? If what you say is even real, there’s so many things wrong with your post idk where to begin. Bugging her phone? Cheating? Justifying cheating bc “you’ve had better”? Honestly id be disgusted if I dated you. I’m not even sure if the girl has bpd, or if she’s simply tired of your shit. Its understandable why she’s lashing out at you. I think she needs to find her independence and self worth, bpd or not, and leave the relationship for good. If you are tired of her then you should end things permanently as well. Even if she is bpd, you’re only making it much worse for her and triggering her problem. Whatever she’s done while broken up is not cheating, btw. I think you should leave for good and get a more doormat woman who enjoys being cheated on and not truly loved. Or just hire whores, you have the money don’t you? Then you have the nerve to blame her for everything. I am bpd, long ago I stopped dating men because most men are scummy just like you, and only made my condition that much worse. Leave and don’t look back. I also sincerely hope your gf will stay away from men in the future for her own good, and for the peace of everyone. Bye!
December 31st, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Sorry but you have not read what I wrote properly, number one she does not know that I have been bugging her phones or anything, number 2 it is only in the last 2 or 3 months that I have discovered that she is BPD and I have been speaking to doctors that specialize in mental illness and they want me to bring her in to make a diagnoses number 3 she has never caught me cheating actually, she believes that I have been cheating with an ex, when we broke up in past, I became verbally abusive yes because I did not know, that she had this problem, for me I new that something was not right, she is one that came to me, wanting to plan all these things, she was one that was planning them, and then she was one that all of a sudden freaked out, and ran away, leaving me holding the bag, wondering why, she would start all these projects and then leave them, and sex wise when we are together we have sex minimum 2 to 3 times a day. she is one that cannot keep up with me sexually. When we are together our relationship is fantastic, we get along amazing. also I have never complained about her seeing other men when we were apart, she told me that she went with 3 men last time, and that they were not even close to as good I was in bed with her, I told her absolutely nothing over this, I have no problem with it, I know that she is not going to Vancouver, because she cannot survive there. I know what is in her head, she wants to come to work with me, what I believe is that all the emotions she has are just to much for her and she ends up freaking, knowing after, that she has made a mistake, and she knows that I am unforgiving, that is why I would verbally abuse her in past, and she would mention to me that she was just over burden with emotions, that it was just to much for her, I am just wondering should I allow her to come to work for me, remember she is one asking for these things, when I landed in Cancun yesterday she is one that emailed me, she is one that is going crazy right now trying to find out what I am doing, she is one doing all these pictures and paintings, trying to get my interest. I know now that in future if there is to be one, that I need to back up, when she goes through her feelings thing. instead of me ragging forward like a mad man, that I should just relax on her and say nothing, until she gets back to normal, then we can talk about calmly,
December 31st, 2014 at 2:59 pm
Emmanuel, you are scum whether she knows it or not. You don’t belong in a relationship if you are verbally abusive, cheating, and value your partner according to her sexual abilities mainly. She might have a feeling about how scummy you are. Then, instead of attempting to better yourself, you dump all responsibility and blame on her. Because of her low self worth, she accepts it. Whether you agree with me or not, you know you should end the relationship. She is clinging to you due to low self worth, and you cling to her for the ego boost of having someone beg for you and adore you. End it and go get a swinger girlfriend. That is all I have to say. Adios.
December 31st, 2014 at 3:15 pm
If I was the scum I would not have put forward the hundreds of thousands of dollars in projects, I am sitting with a farm project outside of Guadalajara Mexico, that has nothing to do with me, I am not one that came up with these brilliant projects and then walk away from them, I am sure that if your boyfriend came up to you and asked you to invest in these type of projects and then walked away for no reason at all, that you would give him shit also, and I am not valuing anyone on there sexual abilities, and I have never put anyone in a position to beg, I am not one that has walked away, and now that I know that she has this problem I am trying to improve myself, because I now understand, why she is walking away, I did not know before. its like is you have a partner and he comes to you and ask you for 200,000 dollars to open a store, and before the store opens he walks away, do you say nothing, remember she is one that is asking me to support her, she is the one asking me for things, I have asked for nothing.
December 31st, 2014 at 3:18 pm
also during time that we are together I have never been verbally abusive, you have to understand we get along amazing, we do not even ever have an argument, it is only after she had her episodes that I become abusive.
December 31st, 2014 at 3:30 pm
Wow. What an entitled narcissist prick. As a romantic partner, you’re scum. I don’t care what “projects” you may be working on. If she can’t let go, then its your duty to let go of the failed relationship. No one is holding a gun to your head. And get a shrink if you can’t seem to use logic or be a good partner. I’m done and won’t be answering this thread anymore. I’m unsubscribing. Bubye.
December 31st, 2014 at 3:36 pm
typical run away, in life people have to be responsible, for what they do. you cannot run forever, I you start something in life you have to finish, at least I am taking the initiative to change and understand the problem and change. I do not run away from things, unlike you as I see, typical coward, like you said earlier, you have decided that you cannot be with men, because you cannot deal with it, so run along little girl.
December 31st, 2014 at 3:45 pm
Really? Wow. Yeah I can’t wait to get a narcissistic psychopath like you to bug my phone, cheat on me, verbally abuse me and critique my sexual performance. Sounds fuckin awesome (obvious sarcasm). Anyway, I’m now unsubscribed and won’t be able to see future comments from crazy assholes. Goodbye.
January 23rd, 2015 at 1:40 pm
[…] and several other women most guys just fantasize about – half the reason I stayed with the BPD girlfriend for so long was because she was just so fucking hot – but not once did I have any thought of […]
February 2nd, 2015 at 9:39 am
I think the increment of Asperger traits on men and BPD on women is dictated by the abuse of brain stimulation through continuous arousal fueled by novelty. If you watch the famous TED talk “The Demise of Guys” you will find out that Phillip Lombardo describes the increment of guys who are struggling on communicating with the opposite sex among other problems like lack of motivation to engage in longer term rewarding activities.
There I decided to start researching behavioural patterns to find out how to overcome procrastination and porn (which in the end are related). Yourbrainonporn gave me the cues I was looking for in order to understand our brain’s reward center.
I have the idea that stimulus-seeking compulsive behaviours are reinforced by novelty abuse in both sexes: mostly porn & gaming on men and status-seeking activities like FB or Instagram on females. Then you of course you have movies, series, etc.
Unplugging from the continous stimulus/arousal is necessary for both genders: Besides the fact that it is producing a delay on the development of social behaviours, because of the neuroplasticity, it is reinforcing both the extreme male brains or “asperger” and extreme female brains or “BPD”.
I am trying to find guys with asperger traits who haven’t been playing games, watching porn…in the end abusing from novelty for a long time but so far, I have not been able to find any evidence to disproove my theory.
I also believe our widespread subconscious belief regarding the magic pill has been developed by the abuse of instant gratification. This also reinforces procrastination behavioural patterns.
Each time left behind instant gratification activity I boosted my social skills up. I encourage you guys to do the same
February 6th, 2015 at 3:33 pm
@melasoban: Get your facts straight. Aspergers is genetic while bpd is learned behaviour.
February 9th, 2015 at 7:17 am
Rollo Stated “It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness.”
What I am stating is that social intelligence/retardation can easily become a “not learned behaviour” if a guy spends most of his time behind interactions with machines instead of persons, therefor he could display some traits that are related to asperger’s