Well, the relationship ended and you still had the tires (and whatever else he’d given and done for you). All he had was a wasted 2 years. It’s understandable he’d be upset about that, even though you didn’t ask for the tires.

It seems to me like that neighbor wanted friendship from someone that wasn’t a risk of trying to bang his wife. When he said “call if you need anything” he probably didn’t mean “call ONLY if you need anything” but more “let’s be friends and THEN you can call if you need anything.” Men don’t usually want material items and money as a show of appreciation (except from their employer); that’s what women want.

Or maybe his wife is nice but just won’t have sex and he DID want sex and you asked for something else before clarifying that. *shrug* I don’t know the guy. You should have asked HIM what he really wanted.

Yes, refuse help and gifts if they will not tell you what they want from the relationship first. Don’t even get to the point where the guy has access to your car to change the tires before knowing what you both expect from the relationship. Don’t put the neighbor’s number in your phone until you know what he wants.

You decided not to “settle down” 20 years ago; that’s fine, but when you made that decision, you were also making the decision to take care of yourself. You can’t have it both ways; not settling down when you’re 30 and showing appreciation to a man for 20 years, yet still having a man buy your tires and move your furniture when you’re 50. If you made that choice and didn’t spend those 20 years getting to the point that you can do and pay for everything you need yourself, you majorly screwed up!

At this point I would say forget the boyfriends and neighbors and focus on learning to take care of yourself. That may mean earning more money, or it may mean learning to buy tires off ebay and change them yourself.

Once you get to the point where you are actually self-sufficient, you can then think “What do I have to OFFER a man?” not including looks, material items, nor your vag (because every ciswoman can offer him that). Then be honest with men about that on the first date (while going Dutch, and before taking any gifts or help from the man).

To clarify, the boyfriend I was referring to had been dating me for two years, during which time had several women on the side while telling me he wanted to be monogamous. I thanked him profusely for the tires at the time, but when the relationship ended he brought up anything he had done for me (I have never asked a man to buy me anything) and threw it in my face. My next door neighbor is married to a very nice woman and had told me no man should stand by as a single woman tries to load a moving truck and not help. I was so grateful when I thought there were still gentlemen around and thanked him profusely, gave him an expensive framed piece of art and antique chest as tokens of my appreciation. He told me to ask him for help if I ever needed anything in the future, so when I purchased a sofa from a woman online, I texted him and asked if he would help us unload it and he didn’t respond. Instead, he trashed me behind my back telling people, “Look at everything I’ve done for her.” I guess he felt taken advantage of in some way, but I believed him when he said to call if I needed anything.

Most of my life, I have just gone without if I cannot afford a delivery service (or Tire Barn, Lol) for something because I can’t stand the drama of trying to read between the lines with people. Various ‘dating experts’ say men truly want to help and provide for women and make us happy as long as women show appreciation. (really?) But, if men won’t communicate just how they want us to show that appreciation, it becomes a very frustrating guessing game, similar to men wanting women to communicate what pleases them in bed.

In South Florida, you will see loads of men 50’s-60’s dating a women in their 30’s. I have a friend in his 50’s who got taken by a Russian girl. I tried to warn him about their scam and that she would disappear when the money ran out, but he wouldn’t listen and insisted she was different. He was so enamored, thinking a beautiful woman was truly interested in him….sure enough, the money ran out and she was gone. I see a lot of men in their 60’s walking around with joint custody of young kids because the 30 year olds, size 2 with the boob jobs talk them into having kids, then dump them a few years later because they’re too old. Perhaps this usually just happens in L.A. and Miami….At least the guys who look at porn get off a lot cheaper! (unless they become addicted)

Offering them money when they’re expecting sex, love, commitment, etc. is like a man offering you money after sex when you’re expecting cuddles.

Men, again being humans, are also not delusional. They know that 30 year old size 2s with boob jobs are fantasies; that’s what they want when they look at porn, but they know it’s not reality for an average man in his 50s to date them. You’re ahead of the game if you’re truly a size 8, look 38 and have no stretchmarks from childbearing. Your age/weight/boobsize isn’t the problem; the problem is you are all take and no give (at least not of what the men actually want).

So my suggestion would be: before accepting gifts and favors, before making a man your boyfriend, FIRST find out what he wants, what he expects from the relationship, and if you’re compatible. At 51, you know what you want out of life and in a partner (and if you don’t, you need to figure that out first); discuss that honestly with a man before accepting anything from him.

If you aren’t willing to give him what he wants, or if you aren’t compatible; then put on your big girl panties and drive over to Tire Barn, where you can be sure all they expect in exchange for tires is money.

My wife called me today and was all excited about some beachfront apartment she saw. She wants us to buy it for vacations and such.

Now here I am .. I just turned 50. My youngest is going to college this year and I guess I just realized that I’m no longer bound to her.

The last 20 years has been a long series of quickies and 3 minutes handjobs every 3-4 weeks. In between, I spent my prime sexual years mostly masturbating to get off. Now that I’m 50, my drive is still good, but it’s not what it was.

I had tried everything I could think of over those 20 years to get things on track. I was exemplary with chores around the house, I was attentive to her emotional needs as far as I could anticipate them, and even if I do say so myself – I’ve kept myself in outstanding shape (although that was more for me).

On the other hand, I look back and I can hardly remember a time that she spontaneously gave me a neck rub, or cooked something just for me as opposed to all of us, and certainly not even attempting to do something special for me sexually (yeah, I have a minor kink or two).

But when she asked me to buy a beachfront place today – my immediate reaction was annoyance. I realized then that I feel resentful. I have decided to leave her. There is absolutely nothing she can do now to change anything because the past cannot be changed.

Now, imagine you know this man’s wife at 29 y.o., what would you tell this woman to do to show her appreciation and respect to her husband? How would you tell her she could make him feel special?

I’m 51 years old, size 8, look like I’m 38, never married and have never been interested in having kids. Perhaps the reason I’ve never been married (more often than not, my choice) is because I haven’t discovered the best way to show appreciation to a man in a respectful way he truly resonates with. I realize my options for marriage are slim at this point because most men my age want a 30 year old, size 2 with a boob job, but I really would like to be able to understand men and their boundaries.

Can anyone offer helpful suggestions?

For me, that was the hardest part of internalizing the red pill. I’ve read Rollo’s “Appreciation” post at least ten times. Even more than the way woman love (or don’t love), that fundamental inability to appreciate the endless, tedious, little shit things we do is what drove me nuts. It seems totally opposite to basic humanity; how difficult is a heart felt “Thank you, I appreciate it”.

From Rollo:

Appreciation

“I think what most men uniquely deceive themselves of is that they will ultimately be appreciated by women for their sacrifices. Learn this now, you won’t. You can’t be because women fundamentally lack the ability to fully realize, much less appreciate the sacrifices a man makes to facilitate her reality. Even the most enlightened, appreciative woman you know still operates in a feminne-centric reality. Men making the personal sacrifices necessary to honor, respect and love her are commonplace. You’re supposed to do those things. You sacrificed your ambitions and potential to provide her with a better life? You were supposed to. You resisted temptation and didn’t cheat on your wife with the hot secretary who was DTF and ready to go? You were supposed to. Your responsibilities to maintaining a marriage, a home, your family, etc. are common – they’re expected. They are only appreciated in their absence.

I’m still coming to grips with that, but if any Blue Pill man can truly accept it; you’re almost home.”