I am a 33 year old who is currently in something like an LDR, but doesn’t fit the definition perfectly. In fact, it is possibly even worse, because we officially broke up since 2012 but I still think of her pretty much non-stop. In 2010, when I was 29, I met a wonderful 26 year-old girl during an MBA. Although I had had many partners, my self esteem was always pretty low, so I really thought I had hit the jackpot. She was beautiful and amazing and we really made each other laugh. (See, I still refer to her in these longing, ONEitis-esque terms.)

After the MBA, I ended up getting a job in the US, while she got a job in Europe. We tried to make it last with an LDR through 2011, then in early 2012 we broke up officially. However, I still kept (keep?) lingering hope that maybe we would get back together someday. In late 2012, 5 months after our breakup, we saw each other, in a painful reunion where I found out that she had had multiple other partners, and I felt cuckolded, even though we hadn’t been together. In the summer of 2014, we saw each other again, where she again emotionally blackmailed me and we ended up arguing pretty harshly. Our 2014 reunion lasted only one day, but in that one day, our arguing escalated to the point that she punched me a couple of times, an action I would consider an automatic disqualifier for any girl but her.

Now we are reaching the end of 2014. I have had numerous partners since our breakup (low-quality partners tbh) but no real love to speak of since breaking up with this girl. I threw away all her photos, deleted and blocked her facebook and linkedin, but I still think about her a lot, as the memories of her help me withstand some of the loneliness I feel. I have even entertained the option of quitting my job to move to Europe to be closer to her, and give it one last try. She has also sent me emails where she asks if she will ever stop loving me, and thinking about me, and wondering if she did the right thing by pursuing her career, or if she should have followed me instead. I suspect that a lot of her comments stem from anxiety, as she turns 30 this week.

As much as I hate to admit it, my logical, rational side keeps screaming ‘Enough is Enough!’, but the beta, AFC side of me whines ‘But you love her/she’s the one/you’ll never get better’ or similar platitudes along those lines. The worst part is, 2 years after we have broken up, and knowing that she has had other partners, I still don’t have the courage to take down our photos together on facebook, partially because I still want it to work, and partially because a small side of me is afraid that she might pick up the phone or send me an email and abuse me or manipulate me into feeling guilty for doing that.

I am new to the Manosphere, so I hope to find articles/blogs/anything that can wake me the fuck up, because right now I am beyond Beta, I am so hopelessly, pathetically, lamentably Beta that I don’t even think the term would do me justice. I am literally in a bonafide trance, still thinking constantly about a girl, who gives me absolutely nothing in return.

It just prolonged everything. Prolonged how long it took for us to figure each other out, to learn each other’s bad side, and to then accept that things had long been over. It was a waste of time. If we lived closer, and spent more time together, it would have probably never lasted as long as it did.

Girl I’m seeing is about to leave town for 6 weeks for a temporary school rotation. She will be back after 6 weeks. How should this be approached?
Advice?

Granted, my friend is an extremely high paid lawyer who can afford to travel whenever he wants, to anywhere in the world, and can afford to pay for his 21 year old grad student’s plane ticket too.

The rewards of success.